My mother got drunk one night and sat me on her bed and described in detail when she got raped as a teenager, and the resulting abortion and the details of how that went. I was eleven.
Of course, being a male I can’t go around talking about the lasting effects of many such incidents that happened to me, and I’m not really expected to even connect those things to any feelings about sexual shame. So instead what it does, and what it does to many men who had any kind of sexual trauma, is we just block out the incidents and internalize the feelings and associations inward and it just wrecks our self-esteem, our standards for ourselves and our perceptions of attractiveness in ourselves.
A lot of guys process this in different ways, and trauma like this can take many forms. But it’s often expressed as later over-compensation and bravado and an image of being “in control” sexually and performative masculinity and hyper-objectifying notions of sexuality, or for more people I suspect, just an internal, festering self-esteem that doesn’t want them to be happy or feel good about themselves. For every loud, angry incel, I suspect there are thousands of men who have the same background or traumas and they just sit quietly on it forever and it robs them of joy.
That’s some dangerous assumptions you’re making here… Just because there’s a vocal minority that seems to fit the painting you’ve pictured doesn’t mean that it’s valid. It could easily be argued the complete opposite that those who had shame about the incident would hold onto it, internalize it… and never talk about it again. It can easily go both ways here.
But my statement was more of an answer to the implicit question of “why did I get the lifelong lesson when the others around me clearly didn’t?”… That answer could be because a lot of people just don’t feel shame. Doesn’t have to be “they gotta be really slow or something”. They didn’t get the lesson… they felt no shame.
Shame should be abolished after all. It is irrational. If there is a good reason for/against something, we should use that reason instead, and create a culture of habits around it.
Shame is an emotion. You can’t abolish an emotion. And shame is an emotion that a lot of people use to regulate themselves. This is a silly statement on it’s face. All emotions are irrational. Are you advocating for banning emotions?
There is a good reason that old men shouldn’t touch young women. Shame is one emotion that likely regulates many of those men from never doing it. Such that they would feel shame should they do such an action.
If you can’t agree on that, then I’m failing to understand your point or we simply agree to disagree.
A lot of people don’t feel shame…
I would wager that a lot more do.
My mother got drunk one night and sat me on her bed and described in detail when she got raped as a teenager, and the resulting abortion and the details of how that went. I was eleven.
Of course, being a male I can’t go around talking about the lasting effects of many such incidents that happened to me, and I’m not really expected to even connect those things to any feelings about sexual shame. So instead what it does, and what it does to many men who had any kind of sexual trauma, is we just block out the incidents and internalize the feelings and associations inward and it just wrecks our self-esteem, our standards for ourselves and our perceptions of attractiveness in ourselves.
A lot of guys process this in different ways, and trauma like this can take many forms. But it’s often expressed as later over-compensation and bravado and an image of being “in control” sexually and performative masculinity and hyper-objectifying notions of sexuality, or for more people I suspect, just an internal, festering self-esteem that doesn’t want them to be happy or feel good about themselves. For every loud, angry incel, I suspect there are thousands of men who have the same background or traumas and they just sit quietly on it forever and it robs them of joy.
That’s some dangerous assumptions you’re making here… Just because there’s a vocal minority that seems to fit the painting you’ve pictured doesn’t mean that it’s valid. It could easily be argued the complete opposite that those who had shame about the incident would hold onto it, internalize it… and never talk about it again. It can easily go both ways here.
But my statement was more of an answer to the implicit question of “why did I get the lifelong lesson when the others around me clearly didn’t?”… That answer could be because a lot of people just don’t feel shame. Doesn’t have to be “they gotta be really slow or something”. They didn’t get the lesson… they felt no shame.
Shame should be abolished after all. It is irrational. If there is a good reason for/against something, we should use that reason instead, and create a culture of habits around it.
Shame is an emotion. You can’t abolish an emotion. And shame is an emotion that a lot of people use to regulate themselves. This is a silly statement on it’s face. All emotions are irrational. Are you advocating for banning emotions?
There is a good reason that old men shouldn’t touch young women. Shame is one emotion that likely regulates many of those men from never doing it. Such that they would feel shame should they do such an action.
If you can’t agree on that, then I’m failing to understand your point or we simply agree to disagree.