I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don’t hate me.

I’m just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people’s pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don’t before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I’ve never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I’d love some help with all of this.

  • vis4valentine@lemmy.ml
    0·
    1 year ago

    Cis allies usually put pronouns in their bios to show support and normalize the act itself of specifying then online. IRL since you are cis and I asume you look masculine there is no need to specify your pronouns.

    Just whenever you meet someone and they tell you to talk to them in a specific way, just do it and respect their pronouns. Its easy. Most people dont care if you get it wrong the first times as long as you acknowledge your mistake and correct yourself, your brain will get used to it and you will not make the mistake later. That’s the different between someone who is learning and an idiot purposefully misgendering someone.

    BTW if you arent sure about someone elses pronouns, just ask them. Easy.

    • Ubettawerk@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Your first sentence is a really good point. Many cis-gendered people thing it’s pointless to add their pronouns in their email/bio, but it helps to not out those who are trans. If everyone/most people state their pronouns then it makes it harder to unnecessarily identify those who are trans.

  • Neuromancer@lemm.ee
    0·
    1 year ago

    I don’t tell people my pronouns. I’m male. I look male. I act male.

    I appreciate when people are questionable or want to use different pronouns tell.

    I equally appreciate when people don’t ask mine.

      • Neuromancer@lemm.ee
        0·
        1 year ago

        In 6’2, 225 pounds with about 10% body fat. I look like a man. I act like a man. Nobody has confused me for anything but a man.

        It’s rude as it implies I don’t look or act like a man.

        It’s why women are drawn to me. As my gf says, I wanted you because you’re all man. My last gf said the same thing.

        • MaoWasRight@lemm.ee
          0·
          1 year ago

          I’m sorry. You may be getting it all wrong because right now you just sound like and are acting like a big ol pussy.

        • posthexbearposting [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
          0·
          1 year ago

          How you look doesn’t make you a man. You could literally have all those physical traits and be a woman or non-binary.

          Why is it rude to confirm how you self identify? Is it that horrible being trans or non-binary that people shouldn’t even confirm that you’re cis? How do you think trans people feel when someone assumes their gender based on how they look?

          shitposting

          Wow we got the manliest man man over here! Women love him and he gets all the pussy!

          • Neuromancer@lemm.ee
            0·
            1 year ago

            I explained why troll and don’t use the term cis. It’s offensive. I don’t identify as cis.

            Shouldn’t you have asked if I identify as cis or did you just assume I used the term cis?

            See how quickly you just violated your own rules you tried to chastise me for?

            So go troll somewhere else with your fake concern.

  • Maoo [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    03·
    1 year ago

    Many other answers emphasizing to be on the considerate side are good. I just want to add two things.

    Some folks have said that when the way you present matches your pronouns, you have less need to offer them. Personally, I think it is good to offer them anyways when meeting new people. People don’t always present exactly in a way that you might expect their pronouns to indicate. As one example among many, someone may present very femme but prefer they/them pronouns.

    This also helps us (you and me both!) unlearn some of our learned gender associations and habits of inferring gender based on appearances. It can sometimes be unpleasant to deal with someone that’s clearly trying to figure out their gender identity visually or by voice, etc - trans or not. For an extreme example, there are even cis people getting harassed about which bathroom they’re using (the one aligning with their gender) based on reactionary assumptions.

    Finishing up that topic, offering your own pronouns is also a way of letting others know it’s okay to be more open around you, that you are a bit safer than the average person. This can be most impactful, imo, for people who are trans or questioning but who aren’t out yet. A lot of folks are struggling at that point in their lives and it can really help to know who is safer.

    My final thought is that when you don’t know someone’s identity, it’s good to get in the habit of using their name or they/them. If it’s a real person irl, then you’d still want to ask for pronouns soon-ish. Occasionally, they/them-ing someone can also become unpleasant, though usually it’ll be obvious from context (e.g. someone who is trans and strongly prefers he/him might perceive continued they/them to be a form of harassing them). Grabbing pronouns soon-ish avoids any awkwardness.