Not sure If this are right place for that (and sorry, while I do speak Englisch okay-isch, I am not native speaker), but this thoughts does make impossible to sleep at nights.

My life is taken really bad turn many years ago, and 5 years ago it become just broken.

I had my parents, my sibling, place where we lived. Everything was fine. Or I thought so.

My sibling for almost 2 whole years is… dead. There is nothing ceremonious about it. They are just… Dead.

I thought that I had wonderful parents. Even despite beating, screaming and other stuff that they told and done to me throughout the years. One of them just did not do much as parent. That resulted in many mental and physical issues, that I feel to this day.

I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles. It was not great place, but I liked it.

As result of all of I left with only to move to different country, to start my life here instead.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

And all of that just makes me not wanting to sleep at night. Like now.

I keep thinking about that.

How go people deal with that?

  • Valerie Ashborne@feddit.orgOP
    5·
    10 days ago

    I’m homeless because the US is… a mess and my family is the opposite of helpful.

    At the very least, I have place to live. I could not imagine what it is to be like when you do not have safety where you can just be and be yourself without being observed…

    I do post occasionally. There’s a couple posts on my old lemmy account, a few on my old reddit, and many more on my old instagram.

    I should then check them out. Thanks.

    Drawing is a good option. I’ve always struggled with it personally, but I am trying again recently.

    I found out myself that using some specific type of paint and paper (or digital instead) could make it easier to enjoy drawing. I am not big fan of pencils, or watercolors, or office papers, but Gouache and watercolor paper (I think they have 2 types of them: “cold pressed” and “hit pressed”, which affects texture and how paint interacts with paper) to be more enjoyable.

    I imagine your spoken english is similar although it’s probably slow

    It is more to remember words, because there so many. And how to pronounce them. I have defects which prevents me to say certain letters (like “r”) and my accent is sehr strong. If you ever heard how Slav people speak — you probably know how it sounds.

    Obviously I don’t know your language, but the phrase you’ve given seems to have a dual meaning

    You are not the first person who say that to me… It is Ukrainian and Russian, where phrases like that is… Well, normal. We have many of them.

    For example, there is this great saying “спасение утопающих - дело рук самих утопающих” which translates to “saving the drowning people — is in their own hands”, meaning that if you can not help yourself — nobody will.

    On one hand it seems to express a kinda of hopeless futility, but it also reads to me in a more positive way too. If ever said “I can’t breathe enough before I die” I would only say that to express that there’s so much I want to do and so little time to do it.

    That is interesting perspective, because it used mostly as “hopeless” and also as “stop enjoying this, you would not be able to satisfy yourself enough anyway”. It is can be told to person who trying to avoid something inevitable, trying to enjoy what is good left for them. E.g. "

    • hey, wake up. It is 7:00, time prepare to go to work.
    • Give me 5 more minutes.
    • You would not be able to breath enough air before you die anyway, so GET UP now!" " It sounds very bothered in my translation, but it makes sense in original.

    I had to go through a seriously dark period to get to this mindset, but I did get through it. I wasn’t hopeful or optimistic while I was dealing with it, but I kept going anyway.

    You seems to be strong, which do makes me more inspired.

    • Z72.53@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      5·
      10 days ago

      My kinda homeless isn’t as bad as it gets. I got a decent car and a decent job, just no bed.

      My boss is actually Latvian with a pretty strong accent. She struggles with some stuff, but we communicate fine.

      Anyway, I guess I’ve got some strength to me. It’s not something I started with though. You just pick it up on your way through hard times. I’m sure you can find your own strength too.