「黃家駒 Wong Ka Kui」

They say your brain finish developing and you become mature at age 25, how mature do you feel?

Funny how when you’re a kid, you always wanted to be home alone, then when you reach adulthood, suddenly that shit aint funny anymore, it’s bleak…

Omg I thought a lot about wanting to be a parent.

The main thing I’m looking forward to is that same vibe I had with my mom…

Except this time. I can perfect it. I won’t make the same mistakes they did (Oh I’m gonna jinx it aren’t I)

This time it’d be from the other PoV… it’d be so interesting to be on the other side of the parent-child role… like you are the one that has knowledge about the world (including all the world’s cruelty) and have to shield the horrible truth and protect that childhood for as long as you can…

Also my parents are from Rural China, they didn’t have internet growing up…

They can’t really help with any homework lol

Not the math (not that I need help in math lmfao), but especially not any English related subjects…

But THIS TIME around, I can actually be like a teacher at home.

I feel like I have this weird “quest” or “challenge” of wanting to “prove” to my parents that I can be a better parent than they were…

They never told me much useful knowledge about politics…

My older brother is very into conspiracy theories and racial supremacy… (even tho we are minorities in our current country)

One thing is tho: I have no idea if I can even pass down Cantonese…

It’s gonna be kinda sad if I become like this “bridge”…

Like my grandparents speak Taishanese as their first language, then I guess Cantonese, then Mandarin…

I guess my parents also use Taishanese primarily to their parents, but somehow, they have this genious idea of NEVER TEACHING ME TAISHANESE…

So yea, I kinda see a vision of the future from my past

2 Generations ago: Taishanese-Primary, Cantonese + Mandarin Secondary

1 Generation ago: Taishanese-Childhood language, Cantonese-Primary, Mandarin Secondary

Me: Cantonese-Childhood language, Mandarin-Primary for about K-2, then English slowly took over and became the new Primary…

Taishanese is just a Heritage language in the distant memory…

Barely know Taishanese…

Prediction:

Next Gen: English-Childhood Language??? Then Cantonese become their “I know it but not much” Heritage language type of thing?

Then they only hear me talking to my parents in Cantonese, the its English at home? Just like right now its Cantonese at home and I onlg hear Taishanese when my parents talk to their parents…

Welp thanks for reading my random family language trivia…

Wanna bet if I can retain Cantonese?

I mean even if so, they probably wouldn’t be able to read Chinese… characters be hard lol…

Also to wrap up this comment:

I really hope I can teach my children to not be dickheads to new immigrants… I remember so many American-Born Chinese bullied me for being “Fresh off the boat” and not speaking any English…

None of my cousins that were born in the US really wanna befriend me…

I’m gonna be so sad if my children becomes one of those kids that bullied me when I was new to the country…

Primetime cartoons… mine were just on a DVD disk that I play on repeat… 👀 It was like one of the I guess final “artifacts” I had from my previous country before my family left… I forgot how TV even worked in China…

I can’t remember much English-language cartoons… like I didn’t feel so emotionally invested and be like oh I really want to watch this and I’m gonna keep annoying parents to switch the channel. What do y’all even watch?

I feel like I’m missing that part of my childhood to relate to most Americans (and those in other English-language countries)

Doesn’t like all countries have bad news all the time? Like its always “crime is rising”, “economy about to crash”, “iLlEgAl iMmIgRaNts”.

Always Sith

Jedi is cringe. Seriously “do or do not, there is no try” but also “only a sith deals in absolutes” ??? hypocrites…

The mandalorians sounds like a bunch of #WOKE mask wearers… like wtf, is there a space covid pandemic? #STOPSTARWARWOKEAGENDA

“Bountry Hunters” so… they work for money… capitalists… ew… #EatTheRich

JOIN THE SITH! YOU DONT NEED MONEY WHEN YOU HAVE

UNLIMITED POWWAAARRR!!!

Bro has 5 comms in a week xD

My first comm as like after my old sh.itjust.works account was like 6th months lol

Welp, it’s 5AM here… didn’t even sleep…

👀

Ayyy, That’s my birth country!

I was so shocked when I heard of the idea of circumcision

wtf religion?

my former instance: sh.itjust.works decided to become sh.it doesn’t fucking.works

So I said: “You know what, fuck this, I’m out”

So I’m here in piefed…

Kinda took a 2 day break from Fediverse while doing the troubleshooting and making new account and stuff…

Felt less depressed from all the doomerism here, but also felt a lot more “empty” (idk how to describe it…)

IRL: idk its been a week since mom went to visit China, for like a whole month…

As I said before, the house feels so quiet and empty and its depressing…

I mean I don’t get jumpscared/anxious by my mom’s voice… but its like putting out the campfire when you feel the fire was getting too hot, then now the fire is gone and you feel freezing instead…

but emotionally… know what I mean?

Kinda feeling very suicidal for some reason…

I mean I think I’m just gonna never make friends…

The gods… universe… or whatever… is just making me suffer…

When my parents die, I’m gonna have no one…

Life seems so sad… idk why…

Like what’s the point? everything dies…

How can you even trust anyone in the world? Friends? Romantic relationships?

How do you even feel safe to make connections when at anytime, people can betray you?

You never know what someone’s motives are…

Oh fuck I did it again… causal conversation became a rant… sorry… but I don’t feel like deleting the comment so I’m just gon a comment it lol

I heard that antidepressants can ironically make you more suicidal since you get more energetic… I wonder if this is that…

Would be so awkward if I die from antidepressants that’s supposed to make me less depressed and less suicidal in the first place…