Sorry I missed your comment earlier! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s reassuring to hear and I’ll try to keep working at it.

One thing that’s hard for me is demanding what I want or declining what I don’t feel comfortable with, even when I know it’s what will maintain my boundaries. It’s hard to be assertive when you have hope, even a glimmer of it. But I’ll remind myself to separate the two and trust that the right person won’t bail if you say no to something and speak up for yourself. I admire people who can be assertive without feeling guilty or worrying what the other person thinks.

This worries me because he is exactly the sweet nice guy type all smiley in person but I’m losing confidence in how transparent he can be even if it isn’t the most comfortable feeling

Probably both. And in your pov I know that I shouldn’t invest in him and I’m in denial? This sucks. I just got these bad cramps and already said yes to meeting today and afraid I’ll regret cancelling last minute since he might walk away then

Which community would be better?

Means more to me than you know, thank you!

Sorry I’m just seeing your comment now. This is so well said, thank you so much!

This helps a lot, thank you so much! I hope I can find closure from within instead of having to ask them even while I’m trying this dating multiple people approach for the first time

Thank you so much! Sorry I’m just seeing your comment now. I’m still thinking about it sometimes and we did have a chat but I still feel baffled because it wasn’t adding up and either he didn’t want to say it outright or he’s just as confused himself.

Well said, you’re so right. I’ll keep trying even though this sucks!

He came back already and I’m even more confused. Updates in new post

I’m not a bot. Can you please elaborate on dating at my pace and being more honest with my prospective dates? Is it bad that I’m letting the kiss happen early on during our second date, or is that not the issue? I feel awkward declining but I know it’s important to stick to boundaries. I would definitely say no if they wanted to do more than that, unless it was later on, and I have communicated that before without issue.

I appreciate your input, but I feel the need to clarify how I’m seeing it. I can understand wanting to avoid drama and my intention is not to stir any of that (I’m tired too). I was just looking for a simple text out of plain courtesy rather than a sudden unmatch leaving me blindsided. I never alluded that I was too busy; in fact, I initiated and thoughtfully planned our second date, left the unavoidable professional event early to arrive on time, and believe it’s valid to want to maximize vacation time by unplugging rather than text someone I just met and have an uncertain future with. He stopped texting as soon as he finished planning out the first date (which he was indecisive about even choosing a place) which should have been the first red flag. It sucks to hear that I was way too invested and yet came across as cold, difficult, and unavailable - completely opposite scenarios. I had genuine intentions all along and feel that I deserve direct, mature communication given how invested he came across to me in person, or maybe that was just a show.

It’s also worth noting that we talked about deep topics on our first date just standing side by side looking at a really nice view. I’ve never gotten that personal with someone and we discovered all these coincidences of things we have in common but also areas where we’re different and tease each other in good fun. If that’s not it, what is? It felt like if this isn’t it I don’t want it, which makes this that much more disappointing and disorienting.

I did, thank you! I appreciate it. This is exhausting. I don’t understand why so many guys are just out to take advantage or bounce without even so much as a text. I can take it and would rather he be clear than give me breadcrumbs.

Thank you for commenting. Would you mind elaborating? Is it because his blaming me for perceived tardiness and complaints weren’t worth the meaningful conversations and physical moments we shared? We talked about deep topics on our first date just standing side by side looking at a really nice view. I’ve never gotten that personal with someone and we discovered all these coincidences of things we have in common but also areas where we’re different and tease each other in good fun. If that’s not it, what is? It felt like if this isn’t it I don’t want it, which makes this that much more disappointing and disorienting.

Couldn’t agree more. Like finding a needle in a haystack. Thank you so much I needed to hear this and was worried he’s the one that got away.

Incredibly disgusting and cheap behavior if not with genuine intentions over longer term, when that is literally what they said out loud. I was sad and now I’m more so angry. What if all these single guys around my age (I would say I’m older than the age of settling down as expected by society) are just in it for casual? Or the ones that are genuine, I don’t find attractive for xyz reason? That is terrifying.

Me again. What if me addressing that topic where we didn’t see eye to eye can fix whatever this is though? Or do you think that never works and it would just make me feel worse since he will likely ignore that message too? Part of the frustration is my hyperfocusing on this too when there are million other things to get to.

You’re so right, thank you! I’m already exhausted and he happens to be the first one I met in person after recently reluctantly getting back into dating.

Love this analogy, thank you! And yes he is, if that.

Thank you for your advice! Unbelieveable how misleading he was throughout this whole situation. I think he himself is confused and needs to work on aligning his actions with his words. His dating intention description started as not publicly shared on his profile, then to “Long-term relationship, open to short term” then “Long-term relationship” when interacting with me more, now disappeared again. I know everyone who commented is right, but it feels so frustrating and that I got the short end of the stick for no good reason. At least I saw his red flags and spoke up even if it was a step slower.

Thank you so much! I was already wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did so wrong in such a short period of time to warrant this huge shift and wondering how someone can be so careless with their actions. I have been clear from the start about my intentions, spelling it out on my profile, and guys just seem to want to challenge me for some thrill that they’re not going to get. I really hope it’s not just boys left out there but so far it’s been slim pickings.