Can I interest you in our lord and saviour, carnivorous plants?

If the mouth is closed then crocs have their teeth poking out, gators don’t. If the mouth is open then consider running away.

Just a lowly, lowly cook

Have you tried calling the new number for the emergency services recently? Fortunately there’s a little jingle to help you remember it.

You’ve not been to my local then?

Look at big lad OP here having sex every two years!

Hello, yes, this is dog

Do you guys not just put your hand luggage under the seat?

Cool people link the relevant xkcd