bethesda announces game concept.

people freak.

bethesda announces game. 

people hype.

bethesda starts hyping the game.

people go fucking nuts hyping the game as a result. their social media team plants those seeds to make it look organic.

a year or more of speculation occurs.

todd howard being his little schmuck self comes out and boasts about their new game.

people lose their god damn minds.

whispers of shitty gameplay start occurring closer to launch.

the masses tell those people to fuck off how could they know, dishonest review etc etc.

the big names in game reviews all review it and give it out of the park amazing reviews.

people go batshit crazy. people are out in the streets killing their parents for a chance at the new bethesda god game.

the game is released and is somewhat playable but jesus fuck is it lacking, it’s buggy, and every character looks like they’ve been updated from skyrim graphics of yore. the story sucks. the game play is empty but goddamn is there a lot to explore.

everyone rushes in like a madman.

everyone realizes the gameplay sucks.

people start bitching.

others say “oh don’t worry, DLC and user created mods will fill the game out nicely.”

years pass.

the unpaid modding community pours their heart and soul into making the game not fucking suck.

after all the DLC has come out (all with mostly positive or mixed reviews on steam) the game will go dark for a year or so.

todd howard wakes from his capitalist vampire coma needing fresh life force. the blood money of his unsuspecting idiot fans.

todd howard makes it into the office and says we could make a new game or we can milk this game for the next decade and a half. quick come up with names to rerelease the game under. game of the year edition. complete edition. master edition. elite edition. remastered. remastered complete. anything works!

over the course of the next three decades, todd howard is fed the blood of bethesda’s fan base.

he is swollen, like a fat tick upon his harkonen throne, waiting to burst.

“the people. they call for a NEW game”, he says, a devilish sneer contorts his face.

and the cycle continues.

and these fucking idiots. every goddamn time.

to know all the answers is… forbidden knowledge

also panther only refers to the fact that it’s a big cat from the pantera family if i am not mistaken: mountain lion, lion, jaguar, leopard, tiger

so the people saying “what species is the pink panther” actually have a legitimate point in saying he could be a pink lion. people saying “it’s just a panther” don’t understand what they’re actually saying. it’s like, okay what kind of panther?

WE FORGE THE PATH SO OTHERS MAY FOLLOW LATER

“i hope you set up spanning tree properly and you better turn on that broadcast storm protection just in case.”

-The Port Authority

eh DHCP isn’t really important right? obviously if it hasn’t changed since the 80’s why would you need to reboot your server.

what are vulnerabilities?

i worked for a hybrid hosting and cloud provider that was partnered with Electronic Arts for the SimCity reboot.

well half way through they decided our cloud wasn’t worth it, and moved providers. but no one bothered to tell all the outsourced foreign developers that they were on a new provider architecture.

all the shit storm fail launch of SimCity was because of extremely shitty code that was meant to work on one cloud and didn’t really work on another. but they assumed hurr hurr all server same.

so you guys got that shit launch and i knew exactly why and couldn’t say a damn thing for YEARS