An anonymous source has claimed that the Sky News room completely fabricates news about Putin’s impending death and then collectively faps to it as it airs. The editor collects everyone’s ‘contributions’ and smears them over a giant vinyl poster of the Russian President, and then the newsroom staff take turns sliding over it like a giant slip-n-slide, insider groups have revealed. After months of speculation, this startling news has sent shockwaves through other Western media newsrooms. Special interest groups have explained that the other news rooms do not wish to be seen to be upstaged by Sky News in terms of sexual deviancy. Sources close to the notorious vinyl poster claim to have noticed a musty aroma similar to one found in the White House press briefing room, prompting speculation as to a connection.