Hello, I’m shilling a technology to solve reduced living standards problems. Hear my pitch:

Has this ever happened to you: you want to reduce pollution from your car, but it’s so hard to get everywhere without it. Well have I got the solution for you! Introducing the bicycle. This revolutionary transportation method is powered by your own legs, and uses a similar effort to walking while going several times as fast. You can ride a bicycle to work, to the local grocer, or even to the doctor’s office. And with my second technology, mixed use zoning, the distances you ride to get where you’re going will be even shorter! Interested? Of course you are! If you want to participate, push for mixed use zoning at your local council meetings and buy a bicycle from your nearest retailer.

Stay tuned for further innovations, like our new invention, the “tram”!