Circulation issues have been plaguing me for the past several months, and getting a doctor’s appointment is taking an eternity. As I’ve been waiting, the issue has only worsened, to the point where I am quickly losing sensitivity in my hands and fingers. EDIT: “Quickly” as in over the span of a few days or weeks having cold hands, not hours. If that makes a difference.
As a cis male, this has also begun to affect a certain part of the body that requires good blood flow to properly function. Without an incredible amount of sexual excitement, it remains worryingly cold and lifeless. I’m enjoying what I have left while it lasts, but it would be horribly fitting for me to lose feeling there too before I can even set foot into the vascular specialist’s office.
It’s brutal. It really is. I’m in my early 20s, and this, on top of a multitude of chronic health problems, is hitting me all at once. I’ve never had a partner, but I was always so excited to find one someday. But now, things have just gotten a whole lot harder. (That is, except for one thing.)
I don’t want to lose hope. I’ve already tried that in the past from my other health issues, and it only makes things worse. But it’s kind of difficult to imagine what a relationship looks like without functioning parts. Especially when this doesn’t magically make me asexual. I still want to enjoy some kind of sexual activity, but I’m not sure that I’ll be able to do it in the way that most women who would otherwise be compatible with me are hoping for.
I’d appreciate any kind of hope or encouragement, or just practical advice for what to do if the worst comes to pass. I feel that this is a scenario that I need to be prepared for, because god knows that the medical system isn’t fast enough to do anything except record the damage that has already been done.
Thank you, and I wish you all luck in dealing with whatever fucked up shit has come your way, too.
EDIT 2: You know what? Maybe this isn’t about my junk as much as it is my entire fucking body. “Oh that’s weird, the lack of circulation has spread from my fingers to my entire hand in a few days.” Uh, yeah, you THINK? My feet are turning blue, my hands are going numb, my mouth is getting cold, and I’m worried about THIS? Maybe the commenters telling me to get care immediately have a point. Maybe I’m the meme guy who worries about the economy while a meteor crashes into Earth.
Progressive feet and hand numbness… sounds like untreated diabetes to me, based on symptoms I remember when my dad first got it. Definitely get checked / a docs input. Untreated, you can literally lose toes/limbs. I’d even consider starting to eat a diabetic diet while I waited for an appt, to see if it improved the situation.
As for the sex stuff, as an older guy, I reckon the bigger part is to find a partner you want to live with outside of the sexy-time stuff as a priority in general. Everyone ages and their bodies change, physical stuff is important but its not enough to maintain a longer term meaningful relationship, in my experience at least – and ultimately, the time spent boning is a tiny fraction of the time you’d be spending with the other person in the long run. To add to that, I’ve had relationships in the past where we didn’t do much of the direct penetration stuff, but I still found it really… rewarding? titilating? gratifying? … just making her eyes roll back / bite me as she climaxed and then collapsed exhausted. The endorphin release from intimacy isn’t just about getting your rocks off, in some ways the feeling of knowing you can drive your partner nuts is better – to me, that’s what makes me feel ‘virile’, more so than simply fucking/orgasming myself. Biggest issues there was just making sure she understood I didnt feel a need to orgasm myself everytime we were together, so long as I rung her bell thoroughly.
No bullshit, sexual function is an incredibly accurate indicator of cardiovascular health, and good mental health. Get checked, change your diet, take walks while you consume media on your phone, work up to a regular gym routine. Yes you can do it at any age. No it does not work overnight. Yes it’s a pain in the ass. It works though 🙂
As long as your tongue works
- Get it checked! I’m not talking about your privates. Get your circulation issues checked! Don’t take no for an answer and if a doctor down plays it, find another. This is very very serious.
- As for sex. if sex is the ocean then the penis is the beach, as humans the beach is the way to the ocean, it is where we do 95% of our ocean activities, we see the beach and the ocean as a one. But what do fish see? For fish the ocean is the whole world and the beach is just where the land is. In this metaphor you can see how blinded humans are to the small part the beach is to the ocean, just like males tend to be blind to how there is so much more to sex than a the penis. As a male I can tell you that I had sexual encounters that my penis did not participate in, they were awesome and satisfying for both parties. Be creative, learn from others that might have already faced this way before you (ie lasbians, males with ed, males with micro-penis, etc) You really can have a great time for both sides with no penis involvement, just open your mind and give it some time.
All stuff outside the ER (which you should definitely be seeing if you are losing circulation to core organs and extremities).
Of course you can still have a relationship, haha. Some people aren’t really even into penetrative sex. And if you are, there’s medicines that can help, and Bad Dragon even makes a handful of special wearables that give you a… superstructure even if you are floppy (not compatible with condoms, just fyi). Also, even though you are hetero, getting penetrated with toys can also be incredibly fun once you work up to it. Don’t discount other avenues for pleasure as you are sitting (lol) on a gold mine even if you do have problems getting it up. It’s one of those IRL lifehacks that they don’t tell you about in health class.
Anyways, sex should be the least of your worries right now. You’ll be fine whatever comes to pass, though. :)
I see edit 2 and you ain’t in the ER yet homie!! Get the fuck in there and we’ll talk when you get back if they don’t solve your mystery.
Super briefly, Long COVID can cause clotting shit that a bunch of society wants to overlook, and damage to the erectile tissue can come with unlucky COVID infections as well. Just keep that in your head for the moment.
Now fucking go. All our hope is with you and your future boners.
If you’re in your 20’s experiencing this you should, frankly, check in to an ER. Old guys like me have some similar issues but not as bad as you are describing. Get some help, son.
So, any advice on how to get these guys to actually listen? Not sure if this is just an American thing, but I’ve had some bad luck with ERs:
I’ve been kicked of the ER after suddenly losing all feeling in my arm (which thankfully came back a day later).
Another time, I had sudden weakness that was bad enough that I lost the ability to stand while in the waiting room. They checked my basic vitals, saw normal numbers, and rolled me out of the place at 3 AM in a wheelchair after accusing me of making up my symptoms.
When I went to the urgent care for this circulation issue (because the tip of my toe was literally turning black) the doctor told me that it wasn’t urgent and set me up with this vascular specialist. He said casually that it might be some kind of heart problem, but I’d probably be fine because I’m young. That was 3 months ago. The circulation in my hands has diminished during that medium-term time frame, which is the worst time scale for degenerative changes to occur, because it’s not urgent enough for most doctors to consider it an emergency, but not long-term enough for regular appointments to catch it in time.
I appreciate the suggestion to seek emergency care, I really do, but I’ve been burned so many times while losing thousands of dollars in the process that it’s not so clear cut to risk going for a medium-term issue. I don’t have much in savings left, and my parents have made it clear that they won’t be of any help. They accuse me of overreacting and saying that I’m completely healthy despite being physically disabled, and that I will be financially punished for seeking care. (Unrelated, but they are also full-throated fascists who believe that the Holocaust was justified, just to make it crystal clear what kind of people I’m dealing with here.)
It seems that my conditions are downplayed because of my youth, and to make matters worse, I had already been diagnosed with small-fiber peripheral neuropathy for completely DIFFERENT chronic pain years ago that couldn’t be explained, so they could write it off as that despite my hands demonstrably being ice cold when they weren’t before.
So if I’m going to do something like this, I need to do it right. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has any.
Tell em if arthritis runs in your family. Try to pique curiosity with family history. That helped me get care when I was younger.
ER is for treating emergencies. If they look into an symptom and it’s not something life threatening or similarly serious, they are just going to tell you to follow up with your primary care physician. Do that. Just because it’s a serious issue for you doesn’t make it a medical emergency, right?
Like if you get cancer, the ER isn’t going to do an emergency operation, they are going to tell you to get an oncologist and even though that’s life threatening for you, you aren’t going to die tomorrow or in the next week so that’s a problem for a specialist not an ER.
You have to work the system. Good luck, fren.
Keep trying. When you visit the ER, you are seeing individual people. Some people are better or worse than at their jobs. Some care more or less, have different biases. Keep trying until you get someone who takes you seriously. Try different hospitals if you can, some are on average better or have ER rooms that are less overwhevlmed. Be insistant that your problem is serious and getting worse.
Get your pcp involved. They should be freaking out if parts of your body are going numb.
Have you been tested for Lyme?
Yes this! Loosing sensitivity is not a “circulatory problem” it’s an emergency. Please go now
deleted by creator
Yes there’s people out the like 100x weirder. You’ll be fine in a relationship.
Not saying every person is a good match for you, but that was true before.
Look as I said above this is an emergency please go to the ER now.
But… even if you loose your dick there are lots of disabled people that have love and even kids. It’s more about personality. Believe me a healthy relationship does not depend on penetration. There are a lot of other ways to enjoy and even if you really want it there are implants and technologies to make this possible (believe me my grampanwas 95 when he had an implant because he couldn’t use viagra anymore. )
Edit: It’s important to be alive to have a relationship or sex. go to the er
Lesbians have enjoyable sex all the time, and a penis typically isn’t involved at all! If yours won’t behave, just treat it like it’s no big deal, and continue to have fun using other parts (your mouth and fingers come right to mind), and make sure everyone involved has a good time anyway.
With a new partner, right before it’s time to get down with them for the first time, it’s a good idea to ask if they’ve ever been with anyone with ED, and if not, just explain real quick that:
- If it misbehaves, it’s no big deal; you’re still having a good time, you don’t want to stop, and you’ll just use other parts to make sure they end up satisfied in the end.
- No matter what, it’s not about them, it’s a physical issue. It’s exactly like how they no matter how much they want to, they simply can’t can’t lift and throw a car. It’s a physical limitation, not a desire problem.
- If you end up having to do some DIY at the end, their participation isn’t required, but certainly would be welcomed. [Which in this case means you jacking off once you’ve gotten them off, and having them help you in some way like making out with you, riding your face while you do it, rub you all over, etc, whatever would enhance that for you.]
Then get to it. 😁
Not a doctor, just sharing some anecdotes.
https://fridayplans.com/ - Fill out a form and a doctor reviews and you get a prescription to Viagra or Cialis. I personally do the 20mg Cialis and quarter the pills to tale 5mg/day. Been great for my ED. Cialis isn’t as strong as Viagra but it lasts longer. Taking it the way I do I’m pretty much ready to go anytime. The 20mg is for every 3 days, but I take one over the course of 4 days. So I’ll take an extra 5mg every once in awhile before sex for a little extra boost. I didn’t have to talk or chat to anyone. I have read if you put any heart conditions on the form you may have to though.
Now my wife has medical conditions that makes intercourse pretty infrequent. Coupled with the ED, penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex was only happening a few times a year. Similar to you, once the intensity dropped, I’d go limp. She couldn’t go intense. It was causing a lot of marital issues. Femdom ended up being the thing that saved it. She keeps me in chastity. Sex now is mostly going down on her and pegging for me. When I couldn’t get it up, she was loving the (consensual) humiliation aspect of teasing me about my ED. I rarely have orgasms now but the connection felt being intimate is just as satisfying. I started the Cialis after the fact just to have the option for PIV sex. We still haven’t had regular sex despite being on it for months. Point is, there are women out there that enjoy alternative forms of sex.
i heard some men have rare conditions, that basically cuts off flow to penis area, or forms scars that prevents erection, yea you need to see one asap.
OP please do emergency health care! I’m older and have seen people complain of this, I know you say weeks, and not days, but that does not make it better.
I am dating a trans woman. Her parts similarly don’t function (but it’s due to the HRT).
I can’t speak on what might help it come back, but I can tell you there is plenty of sex you can do without an erection.
I am assuming you’re straight. (Man only interested in women.) It might be more challenging to find a straight woman that would be open to working with this, but it’s not impossible to find a woman that would love it. The best thing you can do is be confident in who you are, what you have to offer, and your worthiness as a person. (This is sexy no matter your identity.)
If you’re also interested in men, I hear there are some men that don’t use their penis at all. I don’t know a whole lot about that, so hopefully someone else can chime in if you indeed also like men.
I spoiler’d some more graphic descriptions of sex acts, if you’re open to ideas.
sex stuff here
There’s lots of stuff you can do without a penis. The stuff you’ve probably thought of, like oral or fingering. There is also something called tribbing. In your case, this is where genitals would rub together. She might straddle you, or you might get between her legs and grind up on her.
Sex toys are pretty damn great. You can use a dildo, hold it or use one as a strap on. You don’t even need to strap it to your crotch. You could even strap it to your thigh and let her ride that. For people that need the extra mobility, there are dildos with holes in the base you can attach to a handle.
Lastly, there are hollow dildos you can put over your own penis. It might feel affirming to you.
But there is more than just dildos. Vibrators are great. You might know about the regular penis shaped vibrators (vibrating dildos, they can be good), stick vibrators (meh), rabbit vibrators (meh), and wand vibrators (Hitachi type, great!) There are also small vibrators that are really versatile. You can use them alone, or put them in your strap on for stimulation for yourself while you’re penetrating someone with the strap. Don’t be shy with vibrators, they’re great on penises too.
I kind of focused on the partner, but let’s not forget about you. I’m not sure about your numbness, but depending on that situation, you might still find pleasure from oral.
If you haven’t already, you might also explore anal. If you’re straight, it will not make you gay, promise! Always flared base. Look up resources on how to work your way up to something bigger. You have a prostate, which makes anal very pleasurable for some men.
It can be limiting to think of sex as penis in vagina, ends when the man orgasms. It can be so much more! Explore your partner’s body. Watch their body react to your touch. Find out what drives them crazy. Help them do the same for you. End on your terms. When you both have orgasmed? When each person signals they’re done? It’s all up to you.
Good luck!
Hey brother, get to a doctor.
Also, hands and mouth. I’ve got similar problems. Hands and mouth do wonders
