Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
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I doubt anything would work for me (even for just friendships) with where and how I exist.
Then again I’ve never had much luck with connection (my brain isn’t built for that).
Have many micro interactions. Say good morning to the people you pass. Ask if you can pat someone’s dog. Don’t try to turn these into something more. If you break the ice a little, the people who are interested will make it clear from there.
You could try smiling at people, making eye contact. If they quickly turn away, let them go, if they look back at you, you could say “hi”. It’s not exactly letting them come to you, but it’s also not at all aggressive or harassing, it’s just saying “hi”.
If you’ve already noticed something interesting about them, you could mention it. For instance, “those are cool earrings!” or “I love your t-shirt!”, or “What a cute dog! What’s their name?” If you’re insightful and actually noticed something they think is interesting about themselves, they might be inclined to strike up a conversation about it.
Have you tried falling off a ladder. Anyone who doesnt run to offer assistance is not someone you wanna prone bone anyway. Time your ladder fall as the hottie approaches.
not someone you wanna prone bone anyway
I actually laughed out loud at the specificity here. Thank you for this, you’ve brightened my day.
Depending on how you land, you might be quite limited in positions anyway
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
Huh. I got to try this.
Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.
Go to the singles park on a bicycle. Ride somewhere with cute single girls in your area. Fall on the bicycle and hurt your knee. Wait for help. If the cute girls don’t help, they’re probably not that nice. Phew, you just saved a bullet there.
Is it this kind of stupid methods you want?
Okay, buy a shitload of oranges. Put them in a bag. Cut a hole in the bag, so it barely keeps together. Go to the park and find the cute girls again. Give the bag a firm shake so it falls apart and the oranges start rolling all over the place. Look sad. Attempt to pick up the oranges but keep dropping some, until they come and help.
Now for the next one, you will need to get out of your comfort zone. Go to the grocery store. Find the laundry detergent isle. Keep staring at the products until a cute single girl comes by. Look confused. Say to her: “excuse me, I’m really confused about all these, which one are you getting?” Eventually thank her for help and turn the conversation into something else " I’m new in this town, do you know any other great places to get laundry detergents (or whatever)"
Oh, I forgot to mention, you need to be wearing a suit or at least a blazer and proper shoes. None of the above will work very well if you look like a hobo who washes with a toilet brush.
Bro complains about being maidenless and still doesn’t dress like this
My sister literally tried the first one in high school. She lay in wait, probably for hours, on the country road she knew the guy she fancied lived down. Once she saw him in the distance she dropped her bicycle so it lay across the road and hobbled around for a bit until he got there.
I can’t say it worked. He stopped, helped her get her bike up off the road, then went on his way.
Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.
Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.
it’s just eye contact. look open and neutral. if people notice you paying attention to them, they’ll engage more likely than if you have your head down covered in hood with headphones on
To steal a tip from JB Smoove - walk around with one shoelace untied. Someone will notice.
“Hey, your shoelace is untied”
“Oh, thanks”
Ice: broken
Man sometimes I see teenagers walking around with their shoes untied. I’ll tell them “hey your shoes untied” and they look at me like “… yeah, and?”
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.
I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.
This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.
Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.
You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything.
Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying.
The whole comment is solid advice. I especially think these are the meat of it.
chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Some basic life advice for you: focus on things you can control, not on things you can’t. Approach the people you want to interact with. That’s completely under your control. You can’t really control whether other people approach you. Spending your effort on that is a waste.
I mean, there are absolutely things that you should do just to improve your approachability. Good hygiene, to start.
Au contraire!
As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”(Edit: Oof, how embarrising), spending effort on that is the waste. So just coming off as more approachable is the one path open to me.Au contraire! As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”
Are you referring to Wait For It?
Cause the line is “I am the one thing in life I can control”
Also Burr definitely didn’t “wait for it” when it came to boning down on that British dude’s wife.
Until very recently, I had neon colored hair. Pink, blue, green, orange, purple, red; the whole rainbow. Changed it once every few months.
Women very frequently came up to me to compliment my hair and often would lead to conversations about where I got my dye, who did it, etc. like women stopping their cars in parking lots just to give me a compliment. More often than not it turned into a short convo, that usually ended around the time I mentioned my wife was the artist who did my hair.
Had I known this was a thing before I was married, I would have died my hair in a heartbeat.
I think it may have been a little disarming and was something unique enough that it was worth striking up a convo.
Can confirm, as a woman, this is a very good idea. Having brightly colored hair actually communicates a few things at once :
- He’s confident enough to stand out
- He’s at least a little more open-minded than average
- He put some thought into his looks
- He’s not the stuck-up fun-hating “alpha male” type
I cannot stress that last point enough. These days, every girl I know has her radar set to max to get as far as possible from “alpha males”, because they’re just incredibly annoying, self-important pricks. The more you can do to signal you’re not one of them, the better.
Damn, if only I had hair.
An unusual hat works as well. I frequently have people asking questions on my hat.
I’ve always wanted one of these bad boys:
Rainbow pubes and low cut jeans? 😂
Lots of spinach, hair dye, and v-neck shirts (and low-cut jeans!)! :O I’m so back
Where there’s a will, there’s a toupee . I am blessed with a full, thick, luscious dark blonde coupe, but everyone around being so negative about hairpieces made me think about them a lot… Following that, I have come to peace with the fact that I might go bald, and I might not like it, and rando hairpiece-haters around me won’t stop me from going all 18th century on my new hairpiece.
My first own house was in the middle of a lot of cultures that are different from my own, and man did those folks LOVE changing their hair every few days, with pieces or otherwise. Every second shop was selling surrogate hair, and it looked very cool. I think that part of those cultures is fucking rad, and it inspired me to pre-emptively accept my own future toupee, if it ever comes to that.
Oh man, that makes me think back to college when I got an eyebrow piercing. I did it because I liked the looks but also as a social experiment, wondering how people’s reactions to me might change.
I expected the worst, but I found that it actually seemed to make most people approach me easier.
I think the lesson is that doing things that are highly visible draw attention. Some will be good, some might be bad, but it’s a conversation starter either way!
