I genuinely don’t understand how people see social interaction as something beautiful or natural. To me it feels like pure obligation.
Even at work you are not really yourself. You are adjusting how you speak, how you act, and how you respond just to fit the role, satisfy your employer, and keep things smooth with colleagues. That constant switching can be exhausting.
Outside of work it does not feel that different. Conversations, replying, small talk, making plans, it can all feel more like maintenance than real connection.
And yeah, I can agree that most people are not fully themselves in these situations. Everyone is performing to some extent depending on the setting. The difference is some people find it normal while others find it draining.
Sometimes it feels like people are not actually enjoying it as much as they say, they are just used to it being the default way to live.
Maybe I am missing something but I do not see the beautiful part everyone talks about.
Yeah, but I meant masking as wiki/Masking_(behavior):
It’s the thing that we all use to an extent as a means to even be able to communicate - eg I might make eye contract & some hand gestures bcs that facilities a conversation, bcs if I don’t do that ppl will add to their understanding of our conversation that I am being dishonest (and not merely a bit less neurotypical).
It’s “skills” we develop growing up bcs we were told or deduced from environment that certain things should be a certain way in order to even communicate. Some things might be ez, some take a huge toll.
If you mean masks like direct lying or manipulation beyond facilitating a convo (an exchange of ideas), that is not what I meant.
It’s like getting to speak the same language basically, a set of basic prerequisites.
Normal masking helps you have, sustain, and help a relationship, we have a bit different needs & preferences. It’s not about hiding stuff, I directly tell ppl I’m faking eye contract, but ppl still need it anyway.
Lying, eg telling (core conversational) stuff that isn’t true, is different, that is just shitty. And yes, you can tell what the underlying personality wants to get out of that manipulation. (And yes, that is humanity.)
But if I can’t have a normal conversation with a new friend or eg someone I need to interact with (eg a store employee) than I just get left out of society & need help.
what i’m getting at is, your social disguise is going to mostly be effective on people who rely on appearances to judge the interior quality of things (including people). You will turn away high quality people who can see through your disguise, and to retain around you people who either can’t tell between you and the mask or don’t care. It’s a good survival strategy but not a good way to find deeper, worthy relationships.
If i wanted to be a little more cryptic and spooky about it i’d say something like ‘there is no ‘real’ you under the masks, it’s just masks on top of masks all the way down, the stack of masks in a literal sense is the reality of you.’
Lol, “high quality people”, that’s inventing classes & intolerance where it’s not needed.
So if I speak a language the other party doesn’t know (even tho I know their language & can speak it) I’ll be able to get a good thing going?
Social disguise does not exclude being completely honest. That is a separate thing!
Also you think ppl are dumb & can’t differentiate between social masking & what the words that I’m speaking mean?
I connect well with ppl listening to the meaning I try to convey, it’s way harder with ppl that take your social vibe into consideration (bcs now I have to modulate that as well as my words to get the same meaning across).
The “disguise” as you call it isn’t a secret, it’s meant to be understood & looked-through. That’s how all deeper relationship work bcs even what you would call “no disguise” (which imho isn’t a thing bcs we learn cultural norms, we aren’t born with them) works just as a disguise bcs the limits of communication are just so vast.
i think we are in agreement