I genuinely don’t understand how people see social interaction as something beautiful or natural. To me it feels like pure obligation.
Even at work you are not really yourself. You are adjusting how you speak, how you act, and how you respond just to fit the role, satisfy your employer, and keep things smooth with colleagues. That constant switching can be exhausting.
Outside of work it does not feel that different. Conversations, replying, small talk, making plans, it can all feel more like maintenance than real connection.
And yeah, I can agree that most people are not fully themselves in these situations. Everyone is performing to some extent depending on the setting. The difference is some people find it normal while others find it draining.
Sometimes it feels like people are not actually enjoying it as much as they say, they are just used to it being the default way to live.
Maybe I am missing something but I do not see the beautiful part everyone talks about.
People say there’s certain vibes but I define that as an intersection of hobbies interests life stages culture religion politics family dynamics etc past experiences
The beautiful part to me are the parts that are most memorable, the rest are just a blur. Maybe like a house party you stayed up the whole night or where your group did an impromptu trip etc. or had a major detour where everyone was stressed beyond repair.
Rare but they stick out as memories. The rest feels like social obligations that build up to those moments. We’re talking like 90:10 rarity. Also it factors in everyone’s mental state. It’s similar to how a team wins a game, the practice builds up to a moment.
You will feel like this until you do two things:
- Understand what you like, only you. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your friends, just you. It could be things considered unusual where you live, such as “salmon fishing in the Yemen.”
- Find people who enjoy the same things as you.
You do not have to dedicate your time to people you neither like nor have anything in common with.
You may want to get tested for autism, speaking from experience, I always found this weird and I thought everyone must be experiencing the same they just won’t say anything about it but nope lol they enjoy that shit
I enjoy many social interactions.
Went to a concert this weekend. Chatted with the person running the merch table. Briefly chatted with a rando at the bar. Was nice.
Went to a party this weekend. Had a nice chat with some people I’d met before. Maybe came on kind of strong to the socialists in one conversation, but it was fun.
Lemmy probably isn’t going to get you a representative sample of people.
People want connexion. What they (tend to) get is a thin facsimile. Real connexion feels wonderful to me. Superficial, forced social performance feels awful to me. For example, I get nothing from small talk. Either talk about something real with me or go about your day.
Be free and allow yourself to not do things by pure obligation, we have all different preferences, be kind to yourself first.
I’m an introvert, both shy and socially anxious. Not the talkative type either. And I probably have ADHD, focusing on conversations, especially when it’s not a one on one discussion can be extremely hard for me.
My personal experience is that social interactions can be a nightmare but they can also be very rewarding, if only because it often takes my focus away from the demons in my head.
It really depends on what kind of social interaction, who I’m having them with and how often/how long.
Are you not interacting with us socially here? If you don’t enjoy it why are you here.
Some forms of social interaction are fun for me, others aren’t. I usually do better in smaller groups.
There’s a saying that goes “A burden shared is a burden halved. A joy shared is a joy doubled.”
Having a few close friends makes bad times suck less and good times even better.
+1 for socially required
Human beings are social animals. They need social interaction to survive. Being isolated is recognized as a form of torture. Interactions being draining is often a consequence of contingent societal factors rather than an essential property of interaction itself.
ITT: introverts (I’m one too)
People who are extroverted genuinely feel exactly the opposite of what you’re describing, being in a social situation is relaxing/easy for them, and being alone is what’s draining. I could go on and on about capitalist alienation and modern isolation and those are definitely factors but IMO the introvert/extrovert split predates the economic system, the main thing now is that if you don’t like dealing with people instead of being a hermit you spend ages on the Internet.
Social interaction is enjoyable (for the most part) for me. But your feelings about it are relatively common.
Even if you have bad mental health consequences interacting with ppl (in all or just select ways, eg groups above 3), you also get bad mental health consequences without socialising (that works over longer periods and can be bad), it’s just how our bodies function. So if longevity is something of interest, then socializing is a must afaik.
Regarding all forms of communication - they are all limited at all times, only you have the context & pov of you. And still speech is one of humanity’s greatest achievements simply bcs it’s so much better at quick or detailed conveying of shitposts.
Performing and masking is just part of the interaction bcs regardless of socializing need we are very individual creatures (tho that could be part of society/culture), ie I might be motivated into you liking me so I filter, preform, mimic, etc what I think will get me that result - not as a manipulation necessarily, but as a limitation of how individuals can interact with each other.
even if the ‘real’ you is just the one who is fashioning the ‘masks’, which masks you wear and their details says everything about the ‘reality’ underneath. The masks are there to obscure our faces from ourselves as much as for the social other
Yeah, but I meant masking as wiki/Masking_(behavior):
In psychology and sociology, masking, also known as social camouflaging, is a defensive behavior in which an individual conceals their natural personality or behavior in response to social pressure, abuse, or harassment. Masking can be strongly influenced by environmental factors such as authoritarian parents, social rejection, and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
It’s the thing that we all use to an extent as a means to even be able to communicate - eg I might make eye contract & some hand gestures bcs that facilities a conversation, bcs if I don’t do that ppl will add to their understanding of our conversation that I am being dishonest (and not merely a bit less neurotypical).
It’s “skills” we develop growing up bcs we were told or deduced from environment that certain things should be a certain way in order to even communicate. Some things might be ez, some take a huge toll.
If you mean masks like direct lying or manipulation beyond facilitating a convo (an exchange of ideas), that is not what I meant.
It’s like getting to speak the same language basically, a set of basic prerequisites.Normal masking helps you have, sustain, and help a relationship, we have a bit different needs & preferences. It’s not about hiding stuff, I directly tell ppl I’m faking eye contract, but ppl still need it anyway.
Lying, eg telling (core conversational) stuff that isn’t true, is different, that is just shitty. And yes, you can tell what the underlying personality wants to get out of that manipulation. (And yes, that is humanity.)
But if I can’t have a normal conversation with a new friend or eg someone I need to interact with (eg a store employee) than I just get left out of society & need help.
