I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
Start small, everything good in life happens by first taking baby steps. I’m an introvert too, and I’m a senior manager, so I can’t just ignore everyone, as a really big part of my job is managing people. I have the very same feelings you do, a lot of the time I feel like I’m wasting time, I’m super busy and my time is very valuable. But in the very same way, so is theirs. Flip the script a bit, like they are coming to you and talking to you about something they feel is very valuable for you to know about. They are considering you a valuable part of their day, so pay that back in some way. Doesn’t mean you need to drone on all day with someone if you aren’t interested. But do give them a couple minutes of your time, it won’t make or break your day if it’s bite sized.
Then after a polite couple of minutes, just stretch your arms, let out a big sigh and just say, "whelp guess I better get back to it, I gotta get this done this morn/aft, roll your eyes, let out an awkward chuckle, and there you go. Just find a polite way to break the conversation. Even tell little white lies if you have to, for example, “whelp, I have to get this TPS report down to Julie, she’s been waiting for me.” Things like that can work too.
Also it helps to just show people little bite sized acts of kindness, as you inevitably make your way around the office. Oh! I like your necklace or hey how was your weekend? How goes the battle? Like little prompts to show kindness, but not necessarily ones that will get you sucked into long convos. These are usually met with a shrug of the shoulders, or a great how was yours, and you can just say yeah it was great, not long enough laughs. And there you go, on with your day, and everyone will think to themselves, that 6H, they are an OK person.
Just understand and be comfortable with it being hard. It’s hard for me too sometimes, like it’s not as natural as it is for other people. I just have to make sure I give it a bit of conscious effort, and it easily goes a long way as long as there is genuine effort. Remember that no one actually wants to be there, like they all feel the same generally uncomfortable way you do, they just express it in a different way. Work is a means to an end for everyone else too. People need connection to find meaning, and we do too, we just struggle internally with what that exactly means, and the value of it a bit more.