Did you seriously buy a samsung tablet just so your cat could rest in the box?

And is that a tube of unused wrapping paper in the fire???

Well, MedicPig Baby Saver, you lead a strange life that I don’t understand conceptually. But your cat is warm and happy, and that’s all that matters.

5/7

Are you saying philosophy professors DON’T have questionable fashion choices???

Yeah, ok. Guess you’re fine with tweed elbow patches on suits.

It seems as if Terminator 2 was riiiiiight!

Must be before the OJ Simpson era.

Sully Undoes Desktop Operatingsystems

Pssshhhh!!! That’s conspiracy talk! Men are from Mars, women are from Venis. One’s got a yum-yum, the other’s got a penis!

Don’t you watch Bobs Burgers? Because if not…you should. It’s a really good show…

20 years ago I almost moved to Florida. I liked it.

And now? I’m so glad I didn’t do it. I don’t know if I’m less blind, or if it’s gotten worse. But now I don’t even want to visit, much less live there.

Then again, I don’t want to live in Ohio either. Yet here we are.

I’m releasing a new chipset structure. It’s not Intel. It’s not AMD. It’s BUTTS BUTTS BOOTYS.

So now all the best games will run on BUTTS BUTTS BOOTYS, and journalists will have to call it that.

Great! Now I’m charging you an invoice for $600k, unless you have insurance. Because in this country, we don’t treat mental health seriously, until we need to TREAT mental health. Then it’s serious business, which costs a lot of money!

star spangled banner plays in the background

This makes me feel bad. We should dip those people in mud. See how they like it.

And then you wrap them in a blanket…right? RIGHT???

He’s an assassassin. He never said the death was his own…

Never ceases to amaze me.

Ask someone a question, and you get an answer like “I’m not google”. But if you state incorrect information, they will respond with the answer you were seeking to begin with.

That’s a mentality you’d only find on Earth. Not like those other planets, like Mars, and Venus, and Pluto, and the sun. You don’t find this behavior on those planets!

Hey! Whoa! That’s not fair!

We only know he gave him a blowjob. We know nothing of if he spits or swallows.

Step 1, your new name is Bubba.

One kid is communist, one kid is depressed, and one kid IS A STAAAARRRRRR!!!

Uhhhhh, no.

I misread that as “chicken”, and was like “eh, there’s worse things she could have said…not MY kink, but nothing wrong with that.”

Then I read it again to make sure I read it right…oh…oh nooooooo.

Now I’m just sitting here, 99% sure that somewhere exists a woman who wants to have sex with a man who smells like fried chicken.

Best I can do is 3.50.