Scotland was, oddly, the last country in the UK do get rid of blasphemy laws, so the generation before mine used phrases like -

Jings, crivvens and help ma Boab!

And

In the name o the wee man!

Definitely don’t Google “2K spray paint” because it’s impossible to remove and you can seriously damage surveillance devices with it, like cameras and stuff I dunno

Just a lot more gun-owning cowards

Oui, il m’arrive d’inventer des choses pour le plaisir ;)

The cleaner used to be called Jif, it’s been called Cif since they started selling it in France, where “Jif” is slang for a condom lol

If you like phone puzzle games, have you tried Monument Valley?

Dunno who Jake Paul is but he looks like a cunt

Could someone post a gif of him being turned into wallpaper paste when it happens thanks

The French - Would you like me to burn your fucking car?

Another one is levelling.

A lot of people can see a picture frame is about 0.5° out of level and their fucking eye twitches until they fix it

Me included

That’s nuts when you think about it

Very first thing on the list - support local businesses

Aye they need the support because the taxes are fucking crippling for small business 😅

But at least the taxes aren’t quite so much being funnelled into “turning Palestinian toddlers into skeletons”

Gin and tonic

You’re a fish?

Just checked my rice cooker, it’s max 350w

Brown rice takes about 40 minutes in it, so yes I’d assume that’s drastically cheaper to run than an inefficient hob ring

Polite society - “Never, ever discuss politics or religion. Thinking that you can change someone’s mind on either of these subjects is foolish and arrogant and the conversation will always, without fail, end in an argument”

Americans for some fucking reason - “Hold my high fructose corn syrup”

We?

…then next year pass on the costs to their tenants

Bravo

Your not wrong

Oh, the irony

I love books

My biggest recommendation is to avoid asking for recommendations online, particularly in reading - centric communities.

People love to pretend their favourite books are classical just through sheer pretentiousness

The most genuine people you’ll find in life are the ones that are perfectly happy to admit they fucking love a trashy thriller

Perfect for the quivering shitebag coward in your life 😊

Dunno who that is but what’s with the “I’m a cunt” hair from the 1990s?