People and their kids like to come over unannounced, and without permission, to look at my ducks like it’s the fuckin zoo or some shit.
Need some humor for this situation to ease my frustration
You’re looking at this wrong way.
Buy a gumball machine. Put on fence. Fill machine with enough feed for the day. Charge other people to feed your ducksDucks chewing gum balls ? 😂
No, its a gumball machine. A dispenser. So it can dispense anything such as bird seeds for the ducks. Put in a coin and out comes bird feed AND a gumball. The gumball is for you.
Get some thick over sized glasses that are that transparent brown colour on the rims, grow a thin but dirty moustache, only wear faded pastel tops and short stained shorts that are 1 or 2 sizes to small, ALWAYS show your belly, make sure to be overly friendly but never blink when making eye contact, sooner or later they’ll all leave your house alone.
Obvious answer is to give the kids ducklings for every visit. Pressuring kids parents to stop their kids coming over without permission. Unless they want to own duck pets.
Or, the neighbourhood starts a new trend for duckling soup…
Put up a sign that says, “Pursuant to ordinance 347-1236, a sexual predator resides here”
That makes it sounds like it’s legally mandated for there to be a sexual predator there. When the house gets sold, do the new owners now have to go and molest someone??
And to think usually the buyers are the ones getting fucked.
Nonchalantly execute the ducks in front of the kids. You’ll also be supporting your local youth therapists job security.
This made me snort with laughter, thank you :-)
“Mornin’ kids,” [twist, snap]
CAUTION:
BIRD FLUBuild an exact replica of that area right next to the original. They’ll be confused, are they visiting the real ducks or a simulacrum of the ducks?
Get you some geese
Pro tip - feed them a handful of dandelion leaves twice a day, they’ll be your best friends
I had geese once. It was awful lol
They fucking stink right enough 😂
Waterfowl are absolutely disgusting lmao.
You got a problem with Canadian geeses you got a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.
The plural of geese is “geese” old bean
Warning: Kids left unattended on this lawn will be fed to dinosaurs in the name of science.
Parents and dogs will be given popcorn and adequate seating.
My grandmom used to hang dead birds in her garden to warn others from coming to eat her berries. Maybe this works with kids too, you just need to get a dead one from somewhere first.
Build a moat. It would certainly keep me out.
Woohoo, free swimming pool!
Now, a lava moat…
It wouldn’t be a clean pool though.
Yeah, everyone knows the kids pee in there.
I was thinking more like it catches leaves and dead animals.
Now the ducks colonize the moat and you have two attractions. You may or may not also need a third - a drawbridge - for your own access.
Solve that problem with a portcullis. Now you have four attractions.
Put up a sign that says “WARNING: rabid ducks, enter property at own risk”
Alt text.
Free range Raptor zone. Humans beware
Make sure the place they stand has no vegetation, and is always soaked, so their shoes inevitably get muddy. When they track the mud inside their houses, their parents will flip out and tell them not to go to your property again.
Or just put a motion sensor sprinkler to spray them when they get close.
Handwrite the URL of this post and put it through their letterbox
Satanic iconography
