• SGforce@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    People don’t explain what they mean by “You’re too nice”. They mean “be more assertive”. That means stand up for yourself and others. Not “be an asshole”. The attention you would get from being an asshole isn’t what you think it is.

    • Kacarott@aussie.zone
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      2 months ago

      I actually think that isn’t even the case most of the time. I think usually “you are too nice” actually just means “I like you and the way you act, I am just not attracted to you”.

      The problem with just being honest about the lack of attraction, is that many people will take it to mean something is wrong with them, or even that attraction still might be possible if they just try harder. It’s hard to accept that some people just won’t be attracted to you, even if you do everything right. It isn’t a “game” you can always win.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        There’s also the “your niceness feels transactional and directed”. Like, yeah you’re overly nice to people you’re attracted to, but not really to anyone else. You aren’t being a broad spectrum emitter of kindness. Being that person who’s cool to everyone is often very attractive, but you gotta get the chip off your shoulder and accept that not everyone is going to be attracted to you, and just generally learn the social skills to have everyone feel happy you’re there.

      • village604@adultswim.fan
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        2 months ago

        Some men can get super aggressive over even the mildest rejection, especially the Nice Guystm, so it’s not surprising that women would develop a way to reject them with it sounding like a complement.

  • lime!@feddit.nu
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    2 months ago

    i’ve also been told this. i would much rather be nice and single than in a relationship hinging on me not being nice.

    also fake and gay

      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        it’s not. people think you are weird because they can’t relate and they can’t imagine anyone being content w/o a partner.

        desperation for validation and twisting yourself into knots to get it is way more attractive to people. but also why so many people who are attractive are deeply unhappy.

        • Donkter@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          This is real. Despite being comfortable being single it still draws looks when I go out and do things by myself. Getting told “it’s sad” when I go to a bar alone to read a book only hurts because I’m getting called sad by a weirdo, not because I felt bad about going out.

    • Master@sh.itjust.works
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      2 months ago

      You have to hook them. Act slightly jerk like until you have their interest then slowly go back to being nice and the think they changed you.

      (then they cheat of you cause the person who is attracted to bad boys do be like thet)

  • Almacca@aussie.zone
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    2 months ago

    The women you’re going to attract with that method are also likely to be jerks.

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      some women is better than no women if you have had no women.

      then you go back to no women because you realize it’s better than jerks.

      and you have learned to love yourself and get yourself off better than any woman ever could.

      the circle of self acceptance and love. and gay.

  • JasSmith@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    Most men go through this. We start life sweet and innocent. We hold doors open for girls. We listen. We try to be great friends. We don’t touch them unless they ask us to. And we become permanently friendzoned.

    Most of us start observing what the successful guys do. Almost the exactly opposite. They ignore women. They touch them without consent when going in for a kiss or hug or affection. They tease them and call them names. It works.

    Then we get into a long term relationship and realise that the skills which worked to attract women don’t work so well in a relationship. Now we need new skills. Communication. Resilience. Diplomacy. Compromise. Grit. Understanding. Often this is where relationships end, but many of us learn and adapt and grow again.

    I have come to understand that most of what shaped me is the needs and demands of the women I have been seeing. I didn’t make these changes because I wanted to make them. I did them out of necessity. I wanted a relationship and a family, so I did what I needed to do. I’m not sure what it’s like from the women’s side. It seems easier.

  • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    Its about confidence, assuming this wasn’t fake anon just portrayed more confidence during his acting different. You can be as kind as you want to be if your still confident and women will be attracted. You don’t have to be an asshole to have a good self esteem.