My biggest concern here is his excuse about spelling, combined with your concerns about sounding “lika an asshole” when you speak to him.
For a start the excuse is bullshit. He is not writing a thesis, it’s a card. And if writing a card is really difficult for him there is absolutely no reason he can’t do something else like buy you a bunch of flowers. Secondly, the card is really not the point - you want something that shows he was thinking about you, and him giving you a card late and only in response to a specific request from you is not showing that at all.
But the biggest concern is that his bullshit excuse is manipulative. He is trying to put himself in the position where he can play the victim, where he can twist your concerns about not getting a card into you being at fault for not being supportive of him, not appreciating how hard he has been trying to do what you want even though it’s really hard for him, for even expecting something from him that is so difficult etc.
If you do decide to talk to him about it, the conversation should go something along the lines of “I was really hurt not to get something from you for Christmas. It’s important to me that my boyfriend does something to show me he’s thinking about me on important dates” with a reply of “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was that important to you . I promise to do something for you at these times in the future”. There could be discussions about what dates matter, what sorts of things you like, even discussions about what he would also like, but there should not be excuses and deflections. You should definitely not end the conversation feeling that you are in the wrong, being unreasonable or anything else along those lines. You should not end up doubting the validity of your own feelings about the situation. If you do feel any of these things you are being manipulated, and this is likely an ongoing pattern in the relationship that is only going to get worse.
Thanks for this. I sent a message including what you said, and because I have a lot of emotions swirling around, I said that I deserve better and if it means that I break up with him for that to happen, then I will.
I feel like he will use his dyslexia as an excuse again or say something like, “I didn’t know what you wanted.”
He didn’t ask his mum what she wanted and still got her something.
Dyslexia is no excuse. Below is the card my dyslexic 63yo partner gave me for my 50th
I still have NFI what it means, but it was attempted with great care and love, and would have taken a lot of effort for him. This act alone made up for a lot. Your boyfriend is not doing this for you. He is making excuses and perhaps getting more out of the relationship than he is giving. Time for him to make an effort, big time. If he doesn’t… well, I think you well know the natural consequence.
Dyslexia is no excuse. My partner has a very phonetic spelling style and the handwriting of a lefty who has had multiply broken fingers. I get the occasional handwritten poem. They are … unique. That’s the point.
My biggest concern here is his excuse about spelling, combined with your concerns about sounding “lika an asshole” when you speak to him.
For a start the excuse is bullshit. He is not writing a thesis, it’s a card. And if writing a card is really difficult for him there is absolutely no reason he can’t do something else like buy you a bunch of flowers. Secondly, the card is really not the point - you want something that shows he was thinking about you, and him giving you a card late and only in response to a specific request from you is not showing that at all.
But the biggest concern is that his bullshit excuse is manipulative. He is trying to put himself in the position where he can play the victim, where he can twist your concerns about not getting a card into you being at fault for not being supportive of him, not appreciating how hard he has been trying to do what you want even though it’s really hard for him, for even expecting something from him that is so difficult etc.
If you do decide to talk to him about it, the conversation should go something along the lines of “I was really hurt not to get something from you for Christmas. It’s important to me that my boyfriend does something to show me he’s thinking about me on important dates” with a reply of “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was that important to you . I promise to do something for you at these times in the future”. There could be discussions about what dates matter, what sorts of things you like, even discussions about what he would also like, but there should not be excuses and deflections. You should definitely not end the conversation feeling that you are in the wrong, being unreasonable or anything else along those lines. You should not end up doubting the validity of your own feelings about the situation. If you do feel any of these things you are being manipulated, and this is likely an ongoing pattern in the relationship that is only going to get worse.
Thanks for this. I sent a message including what you said, and because I have a lot of emotions swirling around, I said that I deserve better and if it means that I break up with him for that to happen, then I will.
I feel like he will use his dyslexia as an excuse again or say something like, “I didn’t know what you wanted.”
He didn’t ask his mum what she wanted and still got her something.
Dyslexia is no excuse. Below is the card my dyslexic 63yo partner gave me for my 50th
I still have NFI what it means, but it was attempted with great care and love, and would have taken a lot of effort for him. This act alone made up for a lot. Your boyfriend is not doing this for you. He is making excuses and perhaps getting more out of the relationship than he is giving. Time for him to make an effort, big time. If he doesn’t… well, I think you well know the natural consequence.
Do they speak any other languages?
No, unless you’re talking culinary terms. (Was a chef for 35 or so years).
Context helps with palaeography. Best I can suggest they are calling themselves either your little doughnut, or motivational speaker. 🤷🏻♀️
Dyslexia is no excuse. My partner has a very phonetic spelling style and the handwriting of a lefty who has had multiply broken fingers. I get the occasional handwritten poem. They are … unique. That’s the point.