Is there a way to figure out if they blocked youon Signal if you can still technically message them?
No real advice to give her, but I thought I’d share this story.
About 6 or 7 years ago, one of my friends unfriended basically everyone we know on Facebook and stopped replying to text messages out of the blue. Some of us had been hanging out with him a few days before, and there was no sign that anything was off.
To this day we don’t really know exactly what happened, but we have a pretty solid theory.
My friend was born in the Middle East, but moved here when he was pretty young. His father is from that country, his mother is a white American, and from what I understand is not Muslim. His father apparently got a lot of shit from his family for that.
His father was always very strict, he’d gotten into fights with him before, there was one occasion where his father had threatened to move the family back to his home country, my friend stood up to him about that because his younger siblings had really only ever lived here, and ended up getting thrown out of the house for a while. His father used threats like that and cutting him off from his siblings to keep him in line. There had been some other similar fights because his father didn’t approve of girls he was dating and such.
Few if any of us had ever met his father, but I get the impression he probably wasn’t a fan of us either.
A couple of us went to his home to make sure he was ok, he answered the door, we didn’t really get any answers except that he had made the decision with some other people that he couldn’t associate with us anymore.
We later found out that he had been dating a girl, probably not one his dad would have approved of, and had also ghosted her at the same time.
Pretty much everyone left on his Facebook at the time were people with Middle Eastern names.
So we’re pretty sure what happened is that his father came down on him with some big ultimatum to cut ties with anyone he didn’t approve of or else.
A couple of us saw him in the wild once, he wouldn’t acknowledge any of them. I shoot him a text once in a while, I have no idea if he’s seen any of them, but I’ve never gotten a direct reply. A couple years ago, another friend’s father passed away, we all used to hang out at his home, so I reached out to someone I knew from high school who wasn’t defriended, and asked if they could let him know, and they did, the only reply I got through that mutual friend was a quick thanks.
Sometimes there’s some really heavy stuff going on under the surface, and you can’t always count on getting a solid answer.
Try to give them the benefit of the doubt and give them space. Tell yourself things like they may have had a death in the family, or their phone got stolen/broken. Try your best to focus on other things and take on something new and interesting. Use exercise to adjust your brain chemistry if your feelings are overpowering your logic to give them space.
If nothing serious has happened, you learned a valuable lesson about them, and know to maintain more distance.
Stay classy!
Do you think its over tho ;(
After a broken neck and back, and everything I’ve gone through in life, the most valuable lesson I can share is deceptively simple in thought but equally powerful in practice; only worry about the things you can change right now in this moment. Everything else is a waste of time and energy. Anxiety will get you nowhere. Relationships are brain chemistry too. They are addictions. They must be actively managed for your best health. If you are having trouble, go for a walk somewhere safe. The exercise will help get it off your mind.
This is great advice.
It could be. Unfortunately, all things come to an end. But as they say, “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”.
It’s possible that your friend is experiencing depression.
For me it was a sharp decline in mental health.
My best friend of 10 years vanished as he was fighting depression and most probably still is.
A message that someone is in your thoughts with no ask can be a great thing to toss to a friend in this situation. Just make sure you aren’t pushing for any kind of response.
Maybe they lost their phone
I hope you’re right. My inverse thinking proclivity has got me assuming the worst always
Perhaps they ran out of social energy and decided they need time alone. It happens. I would reach out once or twice just to check and then give it a rest for a long while, to not stress them out. If it’s depression, it can last a very, very long time.
They’ve suddenly landed in a really controlling environment (be it a partner, parents, or a government), and wish to hide your relationship/keep you out of the crosshairs.
Do you think thats honestly plausible? I know we left off genuinely ok and just nothing
You know sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Some people’s first instinct when things go wrong is to limit the number of people they deal with. Heck I will admit it, I broke up with a girl a long long time ago just because I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to have a girlfriend and deal with everything else.
If someone wants space from you let them have it. Don’t creep don’t force yourself on them and don’t take it personally.
I’m just emotionally detaching from it. He felt that was necessary for him so I fee it necessary to limit my exposure to folks who do that kinda thing. I don’t allow people to play tiddlywinks with my emotions and friendship like that so in my way, I’m grateful he finally confirmed his cowardice and flakiness (i know, unemotional, amirite? Work in progress ;)
I would say that there can be many reasons for a persons absence in you life. But in this absence we can also see our own fears.
I am literally slightly ignoring someone whose uncanny birthdy is today. A person from the comments said it.
some people reduce their circle when it gets tough. For me, i find it hard to be person right now. Every single day is the make or break of my life. Massive debt, constant house of cards feeling.I recieved a message, she said it’s her birthday. I look at my personal calender, i reply, yes it is, what you want me to do about it.
I was rude. I know that someone really cares and it’s her birthday even, why not just be nice?
Then again if someone is willin to force quit a friend just because they are absent is just having trust issues. And as someone who is still my best friend to this day once said. “you don’t just throw this away.”
I honestly hate when people try to nudge you into recognizing their birthday. Its like “we can’t upset the Beavis” and its like, fuck off. If I feel close to you and you’re in my program, I’ll prolly get around to it assuming you haven’t ruined it by soliciting.
People who do that get a wish at 11:59pm lol and next time they do it I stop completely because they got it covered for me so well :) People who obsess about dates like that are an enormous turnoff to me, whether its family or friendz
U took away your own upvote eh 😇
that is always my instinctual reaction too and why i was harsh in my reply to her, however i recognise it is much more complicated than that.
again why someone tries to remind you of their birthday can be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a male, and you are the only person that remembered it last year and accidentally he let fear take a hold of the keyboard. Maybe it is someone that is always used to getting best wishes and let audacity take hold of their keyboard.
It is spoken expectations that sour a relationship, but fulfilling unspoken expectations is a the relationship.
when you expect people to not break contact you might not be compatible with people who expect that they can come and leave.
But it is okay to have different types of expectations for different people.
It is okay to adapt to someone elses unspoken terms somtimes, you will find that many beautifull people can be very hard to communicate with.
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“Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time”. I ofcourse do not know the full context but that sounds like the porogative of the person the main post is about.
When marching to a just victory be aware of the trail you leave.
I have force quite relationships by pressing x goodbye and i have stopped talking to people. I only regret the force quit cuz i also coulda just not talked to him for a while and he could return someday.then there wouldn’t even be any stress.
there are times and places for people also tries to convey die or nothing mentalities may close doors, only to satisfy the need to be recognised.
What I mean is wishing someone a happy _____ is a courtesy we do for each other. I dont consider it something anybody is entitled to or to throw a huge fit if someone doesn’t fall in line or reaches out “too late” or whatever. Its never an excuse to be a Bridezilla and people who want to act like that, I simply don’t want to be around. Its a very useful heuristic honestly.
We’ve never had this issue. He wished on mine, I wished on his. End of story. It just happens to be useful because he always has done so which means its a useful indication for what the situation is. If he doesn’t reach out, thats the first time ever so thwt tells me this isn’t likely a fluke but that he blocked me, he means for me to not be able to contact him, and I have one less birthday + fake friend to need to attend to. Its honestly just as well, I don’t want flaky people like that who can’t even let you know how they feel and give everyone closure.
Have you tried getting a second friend to see if they can contact them?
I once ghosted a friend of some fifteen years after a friend of nearly twenty years told me he had raped her a few years prior.
I’m not sure I believe it (there was alcohol involved and he’s a super kind person, so my suspicion is that she regretted it and saw it as rape because they were both drunk), but I believe she believes it and she is my number one.
Not saying you raped anybody. Just giving an example of a reason.
Definitely not
Not getting an answer is an answer. I wouldn’t insist on contacting them.
If suddenly they ghost you then they aren’t a real good friend, good friends make clear if there is any problem and generally it get solved.
Just as a tip: real good friends are counted with the fingers of one hand, they are very rare and unconditional in life.
First thought is some really intense mental health stuff
i just don’t understand. We left off positively.
I noticed for the sending receipts they used to show two checkmarks but now just one :(
I checked message info and one moment they say delivered , the next message it only registers as sent
This behavior kind of feels borderline neurotic. I’d just give them some space, and try not to hyperfixate.
Honestly, dude, im leaving it be. Nothing actively done. This is my best friend I thougt I had, please try tk stop being a dick, how can you not get why I woulnd’t be super distressed and invested in this
I literally have no choice in any case so please stop. I’m not asking for people to enable me, im just asking for understanding and…i dont effing no…good night everyone, i just dontknow anymore
Sorry.
I use signal a lot and sometimes people’s phones will stop signal from running in the background. This can cause the behaviour you’re seeing, as their phone wont receive the messages until they open the app manually
Its been objectively a long time tho
How long? A week? More?
Two months
