Like, seriously, I have had a few people talk about how my fiancé wasn’t conventionally attractive, but he’s attractive to me :)
Plus, he’s good to me, and I don’t date for looks. I’ve had conventionally attractive exes too who have been horrible people, so…
Apparently you meet very shallow people.
My dad included 😭
Oh goddddd the dad thinks his kid needs to chase hotter dudessss I’m gonna die
“My son only accepts the HIGHEST QUALITY DICK, I taught him to know his worth!”
I feel sorry for people who don’t have good hygiene.
Set boundaries with your parents please. It’s not ok for them to disparage your future spouse.
My mom and sister used to say my husband looks like he just got released from Auschwitz so I feel you 🫠
Maybe it’s because your dad wants you to get a perfect person. Someone who is nice and loving and interesting and attractive and successful and rich and a good cook and volunteers and whatnot. My guess is not that they would prefer you to have someone handsome and unloving instead, but someone who is both handsome and loving. Because to them, you’re perfect. So they want you to have the (what they assume would be) perfect match. Most of this is probably not an active thought process but just some subconscious thinking.
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Nothing irks me more than the “sharing your unasked for opinion at any time is just telling the truth” crowd. Come on. You must know the difference between honesty and integrity for the sake of good communication and being insensitive because it’s “the truth.” You’re not being honest, regardless of the truth of your beliefs, you’re being a dick if you tell someone they’re not attractive without being asked.
If someone asks, “Am I attractive,” not fishing for compliments but asking for an opinion, you wouldn’t be a dick for saying “I wouldn’t describe you as conventionally attractive,” or “you aren’t my type, so not to me.” You would still be a dick for saying either of those things to someone who didn’t ask, or delivering your answer in an inconsiderate manner. Truth doesn’t make your words right. You can be correct and still very wrong.
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Can you elaborate? What is “honest and open” about being rude to someone for no reason?
Lmao, yeah, keep going, you’ve almost gotten yourself off. Ride that rage high.
You decided I’m mad, not me. You also didn’t answer the question. Obvious rage bait, shouldn’t have fed the troll.
Lol cause I didn’t answer your dumb troll question?
Tell me this, what in OPs original post makes you think it was brought up for no reason just to be rude?
All OP said is that comments were made. We literally had no other context for how they came up.
Honesty is telling the truth to people. Openness is feeling free to express yourself. Empathy is considering other people’s perspectives and taking their feelings into account. People should practice the last one before impulsively acting based on the first 2. It’s called being an adult member of society.
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Your personal judgements about others are not “an elephant in the room” that needs to be talked about. They are not objective facts. Ask yourself, when you think someone is unattractive, why is it so important to you that they know you think they are unattractive? What do you think you are accomplishing by bringing it up?
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Who the fuck has conversations about people’s attractiveness? That shit is boring.
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It’s not about being open and honest. It’s about that not being relevant. Your opinion on how someone looks isn’t relevant, helpful, or necessary unless it’s directly asked for.
There’s nothing awkward, nervous, or repressed about not going out of your way to open your mouth and make someone feel bad about themselves. You can simply not fucking say something that crosses your mind.
“Brutally honest” people are incredibly annoying. They think they’ve discovered a social cheat code so they can get away with being an absolute ass because they’re just an Honest Person™.
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beating around the bush
everything that could possibly be sensitive
Being nervous and awkward
avoiding the elephant in the room
self consciousness
You’re literally strawman-ing what I said. Empathy is considering others. It really is that simple…
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Sounds like someone didn’t check their empathy before posting honestly!
My friend is blunt, my dad is rude
Being shallow and being honest are not mutually exclusive. At all.
I can’t imagine caring that a happy family member or friend’s partner is less conventionally attractive, much less saying that to them!
You need to meet and surround yourself with less horrible people.
There are people who dress for comfort or the weather, and others dress to impress.
You can drive a car that’ll get you there, or you can drive one that makes people jealous.
The people who are concerned with how attractive their partner is to others, are the same people that are worried about how others view their material possessions.
i’m pretty sure no one is jealous of the car that doesn’t get there no matter how pretty it is
Then why do so many of my neighbors display broken down cars in their front lawns?
Checkmate, atheists!
I, too, am in a mixed attractiveness relationship. Though I’m on the opposite side as you. All I can say is if my wife was receiving those comments, she did not show it. After all these years I think her family and friends accept me.
But in all seriousness, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are happy, then that’s all that matters.
Lots of people care only about status. If someone is better looking then that means to them that other people will see that they have won.
They would rather have someone they can show off at a party than a person who is actually compatible with them.
I’m pretty sure that it boils down to successful procreation genetics. As in, the more attractive you are the bigger the selection of mates you have access to. It’s been happening for as long as life has existed here.
No doubt this has across history been heavily distorted by culture, art and religion and in more recent times by fashion, marketing, advertising and media.
Please don’t believe literally anything you read that references procreation genetics. It turns out, humans are complicated, wars happen, some people value people for their feet more than their faces… there’s literally no data that’s concrete enough to be valuable enough, and anyone telling you otherwise is doing so either because they’re lying to themselves, to you, or selling something.
Source: having read quite a lot of it over my many years on this earth, and watching it be destroyed time and again. Hell, I could write a paper arguing that people typically choose mates based on their appearance, their intelligence, their height, their income, their geography, their history of family trauma, their interests, their smell… And find documentation of various dubiousness to support each argument.
- I’ve been here for almost six decades.
- I don’t know what the topic of “procreation genetics” means outside this thread where I was attempting to answer OP’s question and put those two words in sequence to explain myself.
- I think that life has an imperative to procreate and has done so since it started.
- Life, as we currently know it, appears to revolve around genetics.
- I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
You needed five points to get to saying you don’t know what I’m talking about?
Oh … you’re a dick … thanks for self identifying.
Naw, just ADHD and my eyes jumped to the shortest bullet first.
Two gay men can’t make a da baby, and the gays can be very into their looks and physical attraction.
Speaking from experience as a gay man
I encourage them to continue trying. For science.
Eta: please don’t tell me about it unless you succeed. I was just trying to be supportive.
I’m guessing that being gay doesn’t turn off the part that’s looking for a beautiful mate.
The only time I’ve ever cared about someone’s appearance, is if they are covered in festering boils or oozing sores. Because that shit looks contagious.
Exactly! And my fiancé has neither
People notice things that they are self-conscious about. Not even that they’re necessarily insecure about it, but when you think about something a lot, you tend to notice it in other people as well.
So I’d say it’s because your friends and family think a lot about their own appearances. Likely because they’re insecure about their own appearances.
I seriously don’t know anyone who thinks that way, I’m sorry you have to deal with those sort of people.
The majority of people I have met only care that you are happy and the rest I ignore.
It’s ok 🫂
I agree with you.
Well for what its worth, if you’re happy I’m happy.
And if you aren’t happy you can talk to me even though I have no idea what I can do to help.
It’s a universal people red flag and automatic -500 karma. Only pitiful fools date for looks.
What do you mean by date for looks? I’d wager almost everyone thinks they date for more than just looks.
It’s called “vanity”.
It’s been said before, but I’ll repeat it: some people are shallow.
I need to feel some level of attraction for it to work, but i try not to care about what others think. I also find that people i like/love grow more attractive over time.
My criteria for dating: someone I can snuggle at night after a long day. Ideally with cold feet and warm torso so I can choose my temperature.
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“Ew, he’s ugly/He’s ugly, you can do better.”
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These people you are talk to are shallow and immature. As far as those people you have to choose from to talk to, you can do better.
