Hello community, this thread is going in places a community shouldn’t go. Remember to hate the argument, not the user. There are also people that said things on the fence that seemed to be making up arguments or trying to start arguments. I temp banned you.
I didn’t catch them all, feel free to report if it bugs you. I’ll take a look.
Maybe the dude was just… you know.
Poor.
Came from an environment that was usually a mess, chaotic, disordered, and he was genuienly impressed by how simple things, in order, can give a significant sense of safety and stability.
Maybe he’d never seen that before, maybe he had no model of a tidy and peaceful living space.
The same scenario could happen with anyone, of any sex or gender.
Man, broad societal levels of narcissism are just off the fucking charts these days… its the literal opposite of solidarity, of empathy.
Growing up my house was always trashed. Parents with depression and full time jobs don’t leave much time and energy for cleaning up, and there’s only so much children without guidance can do.
So once I had my own defined space, it was basically minimalist to expedite cleaning. I didn’t start getting more stuff, even clothes, until my partner moved in.
Me growing up, it wasn’t quite that bad for myself, but some of my neighbors were from… way more fucked up families.
They had basically this exact same ‘Wow.’ moment, just… coming over, and seeing that… order was possible, things could be put basically back in place after use, etc.
They had no previous concept of it.
I remember going over to one of their houses once and literally stepping in dogshit, inside.
They just… forgot to let the dog out, I guess. Regularly enough that this was annoying but basically normal.
Depression is a bitch, and that makes you not want to clean. Then the grossness makes you more depressed.
Never ending loop.
I know.
I’ve been there.
I did eventually get better… but… it really really sucks.
Or maybe he was just being nice? I can’t imagine being invited to friend’s new house and not giving compliments unless im like worried about them moving into an unsafe situation.
Sure, maybe he was being performatively praising when he didn’t actually care that much at all about the home’s decor itself, but wanted to affirm the resident’s decor choice regardless.
Aka ‘being nice’.
Maybe a million different possible things.
Why do you imagine its a new house, like the resident just moved there?
You could just… be going to someone’s home for the first time. Maybe they’ve lived there for years, maybe they just moved in, who knows?
My point here is that there’s a lot of additional context required for your interpretation. Your interpretation also manufactures and then ascribes an intent.
My interpretation only requires that men who were raised poor exist, and does not manufacture or ascribe an intent.
What a bunch of argumentative bullshit. Have fun being contrarian. 🙄
Its analysis, not an argument.
With which the author agrees.
Oh, you brought a shovel? That tracks.
Okay so maybe it wasn’t a new home, but it was their first time seeing it. What difference does it make?
But no, you’re right imagining someone’s traumatic upbringing is a much smaller stretch.
Don’t feed the trolls, neighbor. 🙏🏽
if he was poor then he’s an asshole for having been poor.
people don’t have empathy for people who are poor. just malice.
I live an upper middle class lifestyle in my 40s. i haven’t been poor for 20+ years, and yet for some people, it’s considered something you can never live down, it’s an original sin from which you can’t ever be washed clean. you would be amazed at how openly hostile and violent people are towards those who are not as economically fortune as they are. rich and privileged people do not regard the poor and middle-class as human beings.
You don’t need to be poor to learn to catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Unfortunately, flies are more attracted to vinegar, so the metaphor doesn’t work.
Oh hey!
It’s that user.
The user who types.
They type like this.
I don’t really know why.
But they loves single sentence paragraphs.
It’s not a problem.
I just don’t get why they do it.
Maybe they’re trying to build suspense?
Idk it’s just so…
…mysterious…
God forbid someone on Lemmy trying to make their comments easier to read
You’re welcome
Art on the wall? Rugs? I’m from Eastern Europe, best I can do is rugs on the wall
Wall rugs are art
They can really tie a room together.
Mind if I take a look?
Noooo!
Rugs on the wall, art on the floor?
Now just cover some shelving with curtains and you’ve got yourself an episode of Decorating Cents.
When the carpet are the drapes
I’m Kurt Wenner, best I can do is paintings on the floor
Like yes, i want a mommy to take care of me but that and me appreciating your house is not related 💀
Any excuse to shit on men.
Rage bait is rage bait.
i’ve had women come over to my place and do this. and then tell me it made them uncomfortable because men are not supposed to be able to cook, clean, let alone decorate.
An example of women perpetuating toxic masculinity
no, when they do that they are just ‘expressing a preference for a manly man’.
and if you tell them how problematic (and self-defeating usually) their ideas are, they tell you how you just hate all women and you have no right to criticize their ‘preferences’ and clearly you are insecure and pathetic.
this same technique is also used to justify rabid racism against non-white men all the time. It’s always amazed me how women hide behind the ‘patriarchy’ and their ‘oppression’ only to rapidly perpetuate the rapidly racist and sexist nonsense they happen to believe in. I’ve also been on some date with women of color who do this, it’s not like restricted to white women.
What I will say is the women who do do this… are typically privileged and wealthy types whose main dispute with life is they are NOT privileged and wealthy enough… and that it’s an evil and oppressive society of awful men that is preventing them form making an extra 50-100K on their already 300K salary.
You’re just describing shitty people in general.
Birds of a feather, as they say.
What a manly man? I kill and butcher my own meat. But also cook do laundry and clean. Or is manly gym bro muscles.
Vanity muscles ONLY. Anytbing else will TURN you.
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keep being you and i promise theres women out there to appreciate itfully retracted, your honor lol
the women who appreciate it are not attracted to me sexually. or they are already married. i have had plenty of female friends who admire my home and my cooking. but i’ve never been in a sexual relationship with a lady who saw it as a positive, only as a threat.
the issue with dating that people really struggle to be honest about, is most of us have limited options in potential partners, and it’s either accept what’s available, or date nobody. i know exactly who would work for me to date, but sadly none of those women find me attractive, and the one who do find me attractive, are the ones who i have absolutely nothing in common with, and who think my lifestyle choices and values make me a closeted homosexual.
and yeah i’d rather be alone than be in another relationship with someone who constantly makes jokes about how i’m secretly gay and i’m going to leave her for a man, or what a pussy I am for being human and being upset over events like the death of my parents. but that’s the type of woman who finds me attractive and wants to date me.
i have seen your comments about dating in the past and i gotta say you seem like the problem. some of the things you have said are straight up misogynist. sorry if i dont believe this is the norm
Right, it’s me that hates women, and it’s not you that’s sexist and making sexist generalizations based on a total lack of personal experience with men, which you do not regard as human beings, no doubt.
you know who also tells me I hate all women? every shitty abusive girlfriend I have rejected or stood up to.
and what’s funny, is the women i meet who weren’t that way, don’t tend to call me misogynist when I reject or refute them.
As a man with successful and healthy relationships who has read a lot of your bullshit throughout a lot of these kinds of threads, you are 100% the problem person in your life and relationships.
Stop blaming other people for your shitty behavior. You’re the one behind the wheel.
which you do not regard as human beings
What a pathetic fuckin tactic. Starting to see like you’re exaggerating and much more of the problem than you’re willing to admit.
you know nothing about me lmao but thanks for proving my point.
you know nothing about me, how is your belief about me legitimate, by your own logic then?
all you really know is i said words you don’t like. you self-reported as never dating men, so I find it kind of ironic that you seem to think you know anything about being in relationships with them.
are you sure I hate women, or is it more that you just hate men, because you don’t see them as people, as you have no personal experience in intimate relationships with them?
So what is their excuse?/ I know lots of women who can’t cook and don’t clean. Don’t know where this cooking thing came from are not most famous chefs male?
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This thread reminds me of this scene…
Ignore the trolls. Lol.
“Yeah I don’t get it, I just don’t get invited to anything anymore” - this person, on occasion, probably
Generally true though. Society robs us of all joy on purpose. Can’t have shit as a man, because that looks kind of gay.
I’m getting all the stuff society does not want me to.
What robs us of joy is caring about other people’s expectations for us. We are free when we stop worrying about what people think.
Man you can stop worrying about people but that sure won’t stop them from treating you like shit
Vote with your feet.
Yep.
many people’s life purpose is to treat other people they don’t like shit, based on their perceived differences. and they will go out of their way to do like, harass random strangers over this shit. or just force every causal acquaintance of run this gantlet they have in their head of hatred and bias because they feel other people must ‘prove’ themselves to them.
What the hell are you talking about? You can’t have a rug or society will call you gay?
Yes, that is why the Dude was so annoyed when he missed his rug.
It really tied his personality together.
He is the world’s dumbest man.
the rugs are turning the frogs gay or something
If you have too much decorative stuff in your room, people start to suspect you.
Luckily, what people think, means jack shit to me, as you can tell by all the dislikes I’m ignoring.
You said you can’t have “shit”, which generally means “can’t have anything”.
You live some weird ass fucking fantasy world. Being called gay for having a rug is not common, at all.
There are real societal toxic masculinity thing that affect men, we don’t need this ludicrous made up bullshit.
username checks out
Tough shit. I’m getting all the “gay” shinny shit, and there is nothing you can legally do about it.
I’m getting so much useless vane shit, just to spite society.
Vanes are useful though.
Like a rug?
well it really ties the room together
Ehem… there’s a lot of places where they can legally do something about it… sadly. Agree on the sentiment, anyway.
shinny shit
It’s funny because with two n’s in that word it just turns the word “shin” into an adjective.
Is that what you’re describing? A male living space full of shitty shins?
vane shit
Okay now you’re talking about a directional spinny thing you can put up on top of your house that tells you which way the wind is blowing. And I guess it’s spewing shit or something. I dunno. You’re the one who said it.
shiny adjective ˈshī-nē
: having a smooth glossy surface
: filled with light
: lustrous
vain adjective
: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one’s appearance or achievements : conceited
vane noun
: a movable device attached to an elevated object (such as a spire) for showing the direction of the wind
Oh sure, flex your higher education on me.
Lemmy is social media not a spelling test lol
Social media, at it’s core, is people communicating with each other. Effective communication requires using the correct words to convey the message you’re trying to send.
Using poor spelling, grammar or punctuation risks people A) misunderstanding what you’re trying to say, or B) thinking that you’re ignorant or uneducated and that therefore your input is of no value.
Nobody cares and that was always an option.
seems like a dumb reason to do something, but… enjoy, I guess.
A real charmer here lol
I cannot imagine anyone jumping to that conclusion, this has to be a joke. Like, when I first saw the house of my now husband, the front door opened to a big empty room and my first words were "oh, this is wonderful, it’s so empty it looks like a ballroom, you could have a big party here!'. Like, sure, he cannot decorate and defers to me on home renovations now because he always likes what I design (I design, he has veto power) but how is that dysfunctional? He was just fine with the open space, it worked and a house is for the people who live there. And a big empty space is such a flex in a way, like look - I have more house than I need. Guys aren’t waiting around hoping someone comes and fills that up, they are enjoying the space, right?
If someone compliments your home, I just can’t see getting mad about it.
I purposefully keep my spaces open because I like the feeling. I like not having every inch of my house not need something in it.
I like to think of it like goldfish. A goldfish will grow to be the size of the tank you put it in, and that’s good for a goldfish, but I don’t want to be a goldfish - I don’t need to jam stuff into every corner of the house just because a corner happens to be kind of empty.
Technically that’s not good for the goldfish 🥴 they grow to the size of smaller tanks then it stresses their bodies to not be able to keep going to their natural size. I’d have to look it up what the recommended tank size is but hope folks look it up before getting one!
cool. I find people who live that way to be really offputting and their spaces off putting. it feels like they live in a hotel. it’s creepy af.
i like people who have stuff and their home looks like people actually live there instead of it being staged for sale.
Someone who jumped to this conclusion was probably looking for a conclusion to their preconceived theory.
That or they are making a joke to dunk on people who do that
no it’s legit. i’m male and i’ve had women do this to me when they come over to my place. more than once.
a lot of people have awful expectations/low opinions of the other sex and get super angry at you if you don’t live up to their low expectations of them
you think the home thing is bad? try being a dude who is emotionally open and honest. every lady says she wants that, but the vast majority of them are totally repulsed by it. i even had a couple of girlfriends who were so convinced men are all therapy needing emotionally student idiots, that when i was try to communicate they would just ignore everything i said and then tell me how i really felt. because my words didn’t register as legitimate to them, they were women, and they knew the truth about how all men can’t really properly express their feelings and clearly what I was doing was fake/false/wrong or something. it was utterly insane.
people are really really really wedded to their beliefs about gender roles and gender behaviors, to the point of total delusion that when someone doesn’t live up to their sexist expectations, they just reject the evidence in front of their face and make up a fake story to maintain the preexisting belief.
tl;dr: all men are emotional student idiots. if there is a man who isn’t, he’s not really a man, he’s secretly gay. because gay men aren’t men either, or something? i dunno.
This was reported as misogyny, and they’re not wrong. Instead of removing this and sending you off to deal with it, I’m going to tell you why it is.
You are using your personal anecdotes of people you chose to ask out, to define half the population. How is this helping you? You are probably going to pick similar people because that’s your type, then have expectations that it will be different.
I struggled with this for a while. A woman saying she wants emotional honesty does not mean she swears to still find you attractive regardless of what you reveal. She just has a feeling of unease and wants that to go away. So, reassure while maintaining sophistication and intrigue.
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Just remember that nothing online is real and this 45 year old Chinese/indian/russian/israeli man masquerading as a woman to induce social discord won’t be able to affect you!
Well, the problem isn’t that this is being manufactured, but rather exacerbating already existing problems. The Russian IRA didn’t start racism in the US around 2013-2016. 4chan didn’t found fascism in the west. North Korea didn’t originate the very first crypto scams. You’re absolutely right that the problems are blown way out of proportion and there are so many trolls out there, it’s hard to tell if any one asshole is paid to be an asshole online or not. However, it’s best to not over-correct and deny these problems exist at all, even with hyperbole.
I do, personally, feel it’s best to simply disregard online rhetoric entirely. It’s genuinely a perfect catch all for 90% of people. You spend more time with actual humans and you maintain a grounded perspective while chiseling those of others. I’ve lost nothing since turning everything besides Reuters into fiction. You carve your own space out of the people around you.
Which is to say, my vaguely meandering around your point is more cheeky than antagonistic.
Fuck, man, I can’t say I disagree with your perspective here. Nor can I say it didn’t make me reassess my approach to online spaces.
It’s difficult seeing the online rhetoric of irl bullshit perpetuating and exacerbating very real problems and not feeling like you have to address the bullshit to ensure there’s a reasonable counter. I’m not 100% sure if it was your point, but yeah, we just shouldn’t take it seriously. It’s not apathy, but leaving the bullshit to irrelevance. Engagement is the goal of trolls afterall…
And you know what? I think you’re right in that the remedy is less about what we’re against and more about building the future we want to see. Genuine human connection is a great vaccine for preventing the spread of bullshit.
No, you took my meaning. Fighting an infinite stream of discord from maladjusted people and bots online just soaks you in their sickness. It’s more than a waste of time, it’s actively detrimental to your being. Altering your community, on the other hand, is useful and semi-permanent. And spreading the idea amongst people you find palatable creates little pockets of sunshine that we all get to enjoy. Wew!
Reminds me of Daryl Davis who, as a black man, was able to convince 200 klansmen to leave the kkk by simply befriending them. The cure to all that’s evil in the world really is so simple, yet so easy to loose perspective of. The answer to all the world’s problems really does just boil down to focusing on building the world we want to see.
Pretty much. Humanity wasn’t crafted with massive societies in mind. Subdividing into social groups of 100 or less, as our ancestors lived in, makes far more sense and allows one to enact change more easily as a singular entity. Like using a hammer to hammer or a drill to drill, just natural tool use.
But you should probably discard everything you’ve read, considering I am an internet person and therefore not worth engaging with. The ideology is robust!
What you percieve as reality is real, to you.
Its… this is the basic functional mechanism of propoganda, advertising, marketing, etc.
It does effect people.
No one is immune to propaganda.
That’s like, the entire problem.
You might as well just say ‘the internet doesn’t exist, you’ve never seen a movie or a tv/netflix show, you’ve never seen an advertisement.’
That’s about as absurd as what you are saying.
Also how do you know this isn’t genuine?
How did you determine that?
Is… everything you don’t like, a psyop?
It’s not that it’s not real. It’s that you, the person on the other side of the screen, and all that you offer aren’t worth observing or engaging with. This is a parasocial marketplace of ideas where I attempt to avoid being influenced or marketed to. It doesn’t always work, but demoting everyone here to the funny little neurodivergent technoanarchocommununists on my phone has helped.
To paraphrase, I barely skimmed because it’s inherently better for my mental health lmao
My place looks like a laboratory. I’m still on the original primer on the walls. Blow me.
I’m adding wall plates for my Ethernet any day now…
In the wall? I just have the cable strewn across the floor.
Through the wall, I have plenty on the floor.
I got some cable clips and routed mine along the top of the wall 😎
Any memories I have of cables strewn across the floor of my living space are memories of good times in my life.
I still have cables on the floor. But now they are long enough that they go around the edges of the room behind furniture and stuff. These days a CAT8 25ft cable is like $10.
Dear nerd, whether you are as huge as you claim or not, as long as you’re clean, I’ll gladly blow you.
Username checks out
Like, blow on me after my shower to dry me off? That sounds like it will take hours!
A combination of blowing and rubbing would be faster.
Oh you like waffles? So you hate pancakes and support cakecide?
This is why people just don’t compliment strangers anymore or engage in any sort of polite conversation.
Everyone is looking for irl or online gatcha moments for that sweet hit of online dopamine.
It’s sick.
I thought “wow, she’s worth avoiding”.
Then I thought “oh no, people are going to overgeneralise the heck outta both this person and her nasty comments and the comments are gonna be a shitshow of stereotypes and crap gender war shit”. I was not even a little bit wrong. There are definitely exceptions, but I think the most noise is being made by that stuff.
