I love these big crazy breads. They’re great on their own and I sometimes make massive dagwood sandwiches with them and slice them up
“Shit, man, shit shit shit.”
“Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What’s wrong?”
“It’s a customer, man.”
“Please tell me they didn’t take an orange from the bottom of the stack again.”
“No, no. Worse. So much worse. He’s buying the boule.”
“Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard.”
“No, man, I’m telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the ‘sourdough boule.’ He’s got it in his cart now.”
“…You’re serious.”
“Yes, man. He’s about to fucking buy the boule.”
“Shit, man. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I- I don’t know. This has never happened before.”
“We have to alert them.”
“Them?”
“You know, them.”
“Wh- you mean the simulation people?”
“You got a better idea?”
“Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-”
“H-hello? Um… Sim- simulation people? Um-”
“What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-”
“Yes?”
“…”
“…”
“Steve… you… you heard that, ri-”
“I don’t have all day. What is it?”
“Shit, um.”
“Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-”
“Missus.”
“Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof… tinny an-”
“Look, we’ve got a problem. It’s one of the… simulated.”
“Mmm hmm?”
“He’s on his way to the checkout now.”
“And?”
“He’s buying the boule.”
“Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with.”
“Oh. Um. O…kay. Um. Thank yo-”
“Wait, how exactly will it be deal-”
This is WBRC’s 9 o’clock news, I’m Ned Albertson.
Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.
This reads like They’re Made Out of Meat. It’s brilliant.
Thanks for the recommendation! Here’s the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
And a short film based on the story.
That was a fun read! Thanks for that
This American Life had H Jon Benjamin perform this, episode 803.
That sounds amazing
I’m just laughing at “bread” and “proof” but I know they didn’t intend on the pun.
No bun intended…
you’re telling me that this guy saw something that he didn’t understand, but said piqued his curiosity, and instead of trying it to see what it’s like he goes straight to schizo posting about it on the Internet?
this is why trump is winning.
/b/ - Random
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
oh.
kids need better hobbies.
Who?
I make my own these days and regularly offer them to guests but I used to buy the stores artisan breads for lunch while working construction when I was young.
The cost to create of a family size loaf of jalapeno and mozzerella stuffed herb focaccia is about $4.87, lower if you cheap out on oil, so theres tons of room for markup even if the store ends up throwing most of it out.
That cost seems incredibly high, how did you calculate that? Also what are you paying for a loaf of bread? Granted cheese is expensive so depending on how much mozarella you’re factoring in that could play a part, but im still curious about your numbers.
Herbs, flour, oil, jalapenoes, cheese, and eggs divide by volume all at retail price.
Egg is for the wash.
Good oil and herbs are the largest expense if you buy the cheese in bulk (aged cheeses like mozzerella and parmesian are more mold resistant than other cheeses if kept dry), but you could cheap out with a premade herb blend and some generic “olive” oil.
We might also just have different opinions on what “family size” means.
i’ll buy some sourdough or a baguette. usually when reduced to clear.
Also when i was on holiday in the US; sourdough bread was all i could eat. seriously guys, your sandwich bread fucking SUCKS!
The grocery stores have shit bread. It’s also the reason people don’t buy these ones there. Cause if you like good bread you will go to a bakery or make it at home.
Yep. My only sandwich breads are the fancy shit and Aldi because Aldi doesn’t sweeten their whole wheat
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it’s just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don’t want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
I had the opposite experience with it lasting longer. My homemade sandwich loaf will not last more than a week without molding… Supermarket bread (the mass produced stuff, dunno about the made in store stuff) is packed with preservatives and seems to last at least two.
But it’s so much better that it was never going to last that long anyway.
I usually make two and freeze one
For us the deli bread lasts 3 days on average, the regular store bought bread lasts like actually forever but it’s awful so not worth it, the bread I made lasted more than a month. We did however store it in the fridge and I’m sure the recipe and how you handle it are critical.
The preservative they use is oil. You’ll notice your own bread dries out much quicker than the mass produced stuff. There’s maybe some other preservatives in there, but it’s mostly just a lack of water
I bake my sourdough weekly. Once you have your sourdough it is pretty much the same effort, but you don’t have to use yeast anymore and you need to plan a bit more time for the bread to rise. It is worth it for the taste.
I’d love to get into it but I just don’t have the time to get past the initial start up. Plus after work I am just exhausted and I definitely don’t have the fortitude to make it a weekly ritual (not to mention we just don’t eat that much bread). Maybe someday though.
If you ever want to try it but have no interest to make the starter, just ask around in your community. More often than you think there is this one person who has their sourdough and is more than happy to share it. I shared mine multiple times over the years, because I know getting started is no fun at all.
You can also freeze the sourdough to use from time to time or keep it in the fridge and just refresh it weekly to bi-weekly by mixing some of it with a bit of water and flour.
That’s a great idea! maybe it’s not as hard as I thought… at least if I’m able to snag some starter :)
The initial startup requires a bit of reading and then a few minutes every day pouring out a bit of starter and mixing flour and water
Since apparently it’s so cheap to make and so much of it gets thrown away anyway, you’d think they just lower the price of it. The reason I don’t buy that kind of bread is it usually way more expensive.
It’s usually a dollar a full loaf where I get it?
The like artisanal type breads? Like the brioche and the sourdough and all that? Hell that’s a deal. I can get a French loaf for a dollar but that’s about it.
Oh well I usually do just get the french/italian breads, I don’t usually swing for the higher end breads, though I got them once or and I recall them being fairly inexpensive but I don’t know what the actual cost was.
I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I’m an NPC
I don’t offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
that’s the correct answer because that bread goes stale in about 6 hours
I buy it. Kroger has some amazing artisan garlic bread.
artisan
Supermarket
You may only pick one
Do yous not have proper bakeries?
No. The supermarkets destroyed almost all bakeries. Some exist in large, large cities, but very few. USA is monopoly land, also greedy.
There a a lot of panadería in my area with amazing bread and the krogers near me has a genuine proper bakery in it too
You might’ve grown up thinking that was a proper bakery but it definitely isn’t
What is even a boule!!? /s
A french bakery is called a boulangerie, because for centuries bread was prepared in a bowl, or boule. That gave the loaves a particular round shape, like an inverted bowl
Amazingly, it wasn’t until the late 17th century that someone thought, “You know what, I could make this into different shapes, like maybe a stick shape!”
I know. Was being sarcastic.
Round bread
Yeah, the only person who doesn’t know is the subject of the post.
I got a sourdough boule from Lidl once, they’re nice.
In all my years I’ve never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
Yeah, my second to oldest daughter was visiting the other day and I offered her fresh sourdough toast and filtered chilled water, felt kind of funny like “here’s your bread and water” but it is a delicious snack.
Sourdough is sold in stores here, a loaf from Whole Foods was the reason I started baking again, that bread was so good but mine now is often even better. So maybe there is a big overlap between people who like fancy bread and people who make it? But even so - if you are making a soup and want bread with it, nobody is buying sliced white industrial sandwich bread for that, and I will occasionally ask my husband to pick up “fancy white bread - from the bakery section not the aisles.”
“Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?”
Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y’all don’t know how to live
you can cut them you know?
That breaks the simulation.
“Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”
I mean… Yes. Yyes please
I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.
This is 4chan, though… I’m not shocked an incel would think this.
…and roasted garlic, pesto, and…
Agreed! I had a get together with a friend on Friday, and among our many wonderful snacks was a loaf of picante cheese bread from the bougie bakery owned by our employer. That shit slaps, and people deserve to experience the carb-rich glory.
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idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
Are you watching their politics? This can’t be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that’s way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I’m afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some “bright” ideas over here. Guess I’ll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.
Clinical insanity, that’s what it is.
How we wish.
“we” as in the countries affected by their foreign policy?
That too.
Sheltered American…they can’t keep the bread on the shelves where I’m at
I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.
boule shamed into a doughy closet
This is the way. Don’t let OP know about us.
I buy those baguettes and it would be lucky to make it home so I always buy two.
Mmmm especially when they are still warm.
r/ShitAmericansSay
thought the same fucking thing. like, “ok then. go buy some more white wonder bread, ya basic bitch”
Also their horrible sweet ass HFCS bread they think is normal
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Trailer people, really.
