Here’s another fun one, from
Awkward Moments (Not Found In Your Average) Children’s Bible - Vol. 2: Don’t blame us - it’s in the Bible!
What I read was two woman saying, “There are no other men around and we’re useless unless we make babies.” Guess it’s both? 🤷🏼
31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
The kind of biblical story which should never have been illustrated.
I thought this was a joke, but here it is. This is actually from the bible.
If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.
It seems relevant to point out that the “Philistines” were Palestinians
In terms of region and name, sure, but probably not in terms of distinct ethnicity and culture. Philistia was most likely a mix of Greek immigrants and Canaanites, but they got totally absorbed by the Babylonian empire – there’s no direct cultural inheritance.
Fair point, but I think it’s a relevant historical mirror. Israeli government references the fight against these Palestinians constantly, in the context of genociding the current day ones.
Israeli government references the fight against these Palestinians constantly
I didn’t know this! I feel my context makes that even more absurd; even if a historical feud justified their actions in the slightest, which it obviously doesn’t, it’s not even the same cultural or ethnic group.
And that they are a semitic people as well, so killing them would be anti semitic
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Imagine being an ancient Greek and thinking “Oh look at this lovely coastline. It’s so peaceful and fertile. I will bring my family out here to start a vineyard and an olive grove, and we shall thrive for generations to come!”
Less than two generations later, he’s forced to watch as his sons and grandsons are slewn for their foreskins, his daughters and granddaughters carted away in chains to be made concubines, and then finally being slewn himself for his own foreskin…
Ya. Thats why Palestinians call Palestine ‘Falasteen’ nowadays. Its the same place with the same name.
King was probably like “Holy shit he actually did it. I’d better give him my daughter before he cuts my dick off”.
In all seriousness, there is some fucked shit in the Bible.
The same David that later sent a man to die in battle so he could steal his wife?
It’s cool. He was really sorry for it after he was called out.
And God punished David by…
Checks bible
Having his 10 wives raped. Hmm. Really showed him.
Don’t forget also having the illicit child die in agony over the course of seven days.
Well obviously that doesn’t count because God sent him to heaven or whatever. Killing babies is actually good when God does it, which is often.
This always gets me. Christians get on their knees and worship this guy who might rape their wife if they disappoint him
The Old Testament is a treasure trove of such things
Times were WILD
What a lovely children’s story.
Inspiring!
You too can maybe buy a woman!
What’s the going rate in foreskins these days?
Only cash nowadays/s
I’m imagining him proposing to his wife with a foreskin
Lots of different ring sizes and styles to choose from!
Religion of peace lol
The Philistines on the battlefield watch as David goes about his work with great enthusiasm.
Rationalism it was: instead of bothering with heads they proved the number with foreskins. Much lighter and safer to store for longer time.
I think the reasoning is that since Jews lacked foreskins but their neighbors the philistines had them, bringing the foreskins showed that it was not Jews you went out to kill. It’s like if you wanted someone to kill 100 rattler snakes and as proof you bring 100 rattlers as that’s their distinctive body part.
So we actually have found some logic in Bible? Unexpected…
I mean, the “logic” that led to the Israelites not having foreskin to begin with isn’t exactly rock solid.
yeah but how else are you going to give hepatitis to a baby?
suck its dick?
The Catholics way?
(Some) Jews do that as part of the circumcision ceremony—Metzitzah B’Peh.
the rabbi also gave them herpes once …
It’s not like it… They litterally brought the rattlers
No, he literally brought foreskins. That’s like bringing rattlers.
Historically, heads weren’t all that common. Usually only for specific bounties where you’d need to show it was the right person.
For more general things, scalps, ears, and fingers were all far more common.
I mean think about it. It’s gruesome enough on its own. But, fondling dead guy dick is… especially unpleasant. (And they probably stank.)
“Especially unpleasant”
After the first five they wouldn’t even flinch. No different than taking a scalp, or the head. A veteran warrior would already have done so much worse, this would be an easy task.
Especially unpleasant for XXI century guy? Yes. Might have been totally indifferent 2000 years ago, though.
Yeah, they were used to stink.
Well that’s fucked up
Did David even think about THE SMELL!?
wdym?
A bag of dickskins is gonna stink…
Yours maybe
Who are you to assume what happened to my theoretical foreskin?
So was this kinda like pork rinds back then?
Calamari
Only when they died in boiling oil.
